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    dots Submission Name: Lullabydots

    Author: EsCaPisT
    ASL Info:    17,Female,Singapore
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 42/38/38
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 930
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 754

       just some stuff i wrote while spacing off in class...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    She cradles him with a lullaby,
    Soothing his warm, bleak heart,
    She caresses his forehead,
    She gave him a soft kiss.
    As he falls to slumber,
    Her lips began to tremble.
    His eyes closed shut,
    Blending in the darkness
    Of her heart
    That he provoked..so many times.
    She sings herself a lullaby
    She took out her holy grail
    A silver tiny sliver
    Sharp-edged dagger.
    The picture of her lord
    Who left her alone, without any fort.
    She sings a final lullaby
    And pressed it to his heart.
    She's the only one breathing
    As she puts the knife down
    On the cold, bare floor
    Of the little bedroom
    Singing a lullaby.

    Submitted on 2006-07-11 05:40:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. A little creepy. I'm glad I don't have anyone sing me to sleep. I loved it, though. I liked how you described the floor, so that you can feel it. I also like the ending line
    "Singing a lullaby"
    Very cool. Keep up the good work. Byeyahs
    | Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by Lizzy B | [ Reply to This ]
      A very good poem with a shocking ending.

    Certain words are missing, so it needs to be edited. Try to keep the poem in it's present tense, which seems to be how the poem is being read. For instrance, "gave" should be "gives".
    | Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by EseanB | [ Reply to This ]
      nice i like it, has a good ending and flows nicely,and the words make her seem so fragile until the end,good stuff
    | Posted on 2006-07-14 00:00:00 | by Master Bates | [ Reply to This ]

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