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    dots Submission Name: When all the happy ones are maddots

    Author: DAlin
    Elite Ratio:    2.12 - 82/137/75
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 899
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 683


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    dotsWhen all the happy ones are maddots

    I wish you happiness and rain
    I wish you rainbows and no pain,
    All my beliefs and all my dreams
    Will be with you...
    ...and this is true.

    We are just, a moment in time
    A thin thin, thin line
    A shadow with a heart and mind
    Where I can see, where I can find...

    ...someone who knows how to be sad
    When all the happy ones are mad,
    Someone who cryies when we are down
    Someone who touched somewhere the sound.

    Magic, so beautiful and sweet
    And eyes who read my mind, a creed?
    Even if you believe, and see
    Like them you`ll never, never try to be.

    Submitted on 2006-07-11 09:24:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you could do much, much better in this piece. Your point is not clear and sometimes that can be both intriguing and mysterious, but it doesn't work for this piece to be honest. You have much potential though and I encourage you to keep working at your craft.
    | Posted on 2006-07-12 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

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