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Tis the end of the trail
I've traveled for so long
And though I have no crown to hail
I will prove everyone wrong
To those who find my potential low
Who curse my name,
But expect a show
Watch, this my dream
Come alive as you stand in disbelief
But it's just for here, I rest my horse
We can talk now
But I must continue the course
But one day we will talk, and I'll tell you how
I proved you wrong, and smile
And live out my dream all the while.
| James Reyna, I'm back to return the favor and I have chose this piece because it looked very bare compared to the other poems that you have written. I'm quite excited to see where the comment/critique goes.|
First of all, I want to start with the description. Your description is basically your intro to "End of the Trail". Even though not necessarily part of the poem, it is a very important piece for those who don't know where to start or get the main idea. I do imagine that I will come to a time in my life where I will be able to experience that moment, until then, I'm going to enjoy what I have right now. This goes for anyone:
"Don't let the haters get you down."
You're going to get some bad change from others and if you believe them, you'll be stuck in that shell that they limit to you. I like the dedication that you put out. It's not just for the people that wanted to bring you down, it was for the people that were being brought down. The world does indeed need a strong hero to look up to and I think you are one of those people that others idolize.
People will never know what your capapble until you demonstrate for them. You might have turned into a filthy greasy bum that lives with his mother or you could turn into some famous guitarist that awes people with the strum of his strings. Those individuals that try to put you down just want to feel better because they are missing something within. It's wise to help instead of fighting back.
I appologize that I have wasted a lot of time going over your discription of the main point. I do sometimes get sidetracked by what the author has to commentate beforehand.
"Tis the end of the trail"
I know for sure that almost everyone knows what this is about. The end of the trail is usually the ending. Endings aren't always happy but the thing about them is that there's always a new beginning for the traveler to explore. It's a trial that human will face over several times and possibly for the rest of their lives. I enjoyed how you started the poem with "tis." It felt somewhat more welcoming than "The end of the trail".
"I've traveled for so long"
Schooling does feels like that you've been through so much, but you haven't. I understand that you are out of school and you possibly know what's happening outside of the boundries of safety. Just think, some of us will be in school for half of their lives while others are out there pursuing dreams and making them come true.
"And though I have no crown to hail"
This could allude to many ideas, but I think the most reasonable one is that you weren't someone in high school. Those people who thought they were someone are nothing to the high school. Everyone's just a spect of dust on the school's mantle. You could act up all you wanted in high school, but it's not going to help you in the long run.
"I will prove everyone wrong
To those who find my potential low"
That sounds like you weren't much to those who doubted you. Being optimistic when you are below sea level keeps a light in one's mind and ignites the fire of abition. It's not that you want to prove them, you want to prove to yourself what you can do. Those who only and solely do it out of esteem purposes, point out the negatives in one's life. There are indeed lows to everyone, but that's when we have to get it out of our heads and think right for the sakes of ourselves and others.
"Who curse my name,
But expect a show"
Moment of truth, you gotta show these people that you aren't just the worthless kid getting out of high school. Do what you love and give your job 100%. If I could take a guess at what your hobbies are, I'd probably guess guitar playing. Write songs for those who disbelieve you and write songs for those who don't need pessimistic views in their lives. A person is a hero if they act like a hero.
"Watch, this my dream
Come alive as you stand in disbelief"
Those who started out on a journey to prove those people wrong are usually my favorite readings to read about. The daunting challenge that lays ahead will be a victorious one. What you are saying is that you shock them at what you have became.
"But it's just for here, I rest my horse"
Now I'm getting a vibe that says that you are into Clint Eastwood and cowboy movies. This line, in my opinion, creates the small world I thought of your poem into something much bigger. It's like I'm psychic and I know that you are into the gun-slinging west with those cowboys bringing justice to those who deserve it.
"We can talk now
But I must continue the course"
Okay, this has to be part of some John Wayne movie where he's on the horse and he has to leave the boy alone. I'm getting that vision, but only with you on a horse looking down on the person explaining what you are going to do. It simply gets the reader more excited if you use a theme of some sort. I think this also goes with my 5th paragraph about your first line. The adventure will never be over until the day you die.
"But one day we will talk, and I'll tell you how
I proved you wrong, and smile
And live out my dream all the while."
Yep, this is the continuation of John Wayne's speech to the crying kid. They will one day meet up again and no one knows what is going to happen to them in the exceding years. Instead, here you are still on the horse standing by them, you are telling them that you'll meet up again and show them what you've became. The smiling in the second line of the quote is very cheeky and I could see something like that done in a movie. Live your dream.
Here's some pointers for this poem. For your description, fix "poeple" to "people" and "scence" to cents. Even though it's not part of your poem, it is something that people will read and it might reflect on how they look at you. People do sometimes get mean, that's why you want to be prepared for it.
What I got from this is that you are more of a hero. It felt as if I was reading the ode of a hero. It made me feel warm inside that you don't write just for yourself, but you do it in thought of others. If you were to share your words with others, people will grow stronger and ignore the negativeness around these parts.
I don't anything was distracting from the piece. Everything held together because it felt like a hero/cowboy poem that many would read. I do feel like this is one of the more original pieces out there. It might seem like I say that to everyone, but it's only because I like to pick out the originality out of the rest. I don't know if I could recreate it and change it in anyway because it was well thought up by a well thought man like yourself.
I do see that you did include rhyming in your poem. It's not a bad thing, but I think that if people were going to read it in certain ways, it would sound a bit awkward because of the pattern that you have incorporated. There was only three lines that didn't have rhyming. I think it's the readers fault if they do say this. When I reread this, I went through it on how I thought reader created it. I tried reciting it with an old West-tex feel into the fray and it resulted in pure poetry that came down from the purest well in your heart.
My reaction to your poem; amazing, felt real, and already smoothed out of any mistakes there were beforehand. I hope you are seriously showing them who's boss, but in my eyes, everyone has the potential to do whatever they come up with.
|| Posted on 2007-09-19 00:00:00 | by Finnigan | [ Reply to This ] || Hello Mister Reyna, I dub thee the other "Man In Black" (Johnny Cash). Anyway I picked this piece to read because it has the least comments. I'm always intrigued as to why some poems get so few comments. Especially when those works are just as good and profound as any other piece of poetry. These poems are the hidden treasures, unless you're like me and post a piece at a time when not many people are online to read it, and by the time they are, so many poems have been posted after it that it seems to get buried. I like this piece and encourage you to continue to write from your heart.||| Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ] || this was written very well, the idea was fresh and original..|
and the way you approached the 'End of the trail' idea was ingenious, excellant read because it offered something so easy for alot of us to relate too.
|| Posted on 2006-12-23 00:00:00 | by Pprophet | [ Reply to This ] || This is so good. I love the point of it and the way you set it on a trail by horse back. There were typo's for instance: "We can talk now |
But I must continue the course
But one day we will talk, and I'll tell you how"
SOmething is either scrambled and said worng there or else it was suposed to be "Can't talk now" ANyway this is good, sounds a bit forced but I like it. Good write, keep it up.
|| Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by S.A.M. | [ Reply to This ] || Hey guys to every one who comes across this poem I just wanted to say what I forgot to say that this poem was also inspired by an Indian picture I recently purchased also named End of the Trail thanx for reading and never give up on your dreams.|
|| Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ] || Great job with this one, man. The rhyme scheme flowed perfectly, it didn't seem forced at all. And the message really hit home. I'm sure we've all felt like this at one point in time, and this really summarizes how the heart feels in that situation. Great read. Great work. I'm impressed.|
|| Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by Jacob Seibert | [ Reply to This ] || Right on! Never let anyone or anything stop you from dreaming and achieving those dreams |
I also liked the short piece and the rhyming.
Keep on keepin on!
love,peace,joy&smiles to share
|| Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ] |