Description: another translation. let me know about the huge embarrasing errors.
I Fascinate Me -------------------------------------------
a notice -
I'm a black sheep:
I listen to Marilyn Manson,
and admire fixatives
(they smell so fun)
with bodily pleasures
I mean falling on the bathroom floor
after bleeding to death
through my nose
but after all, I'm just a child
I'm fake and so artistic
because I paint in the skies
anxious pictures;
they are black and white
(like my dreams)
and anorectic
and sometimes in the screaming shadows of the night
I drink my inc
because there are no calories
but I am still young
this all points to an absolute truth:
I'm l'enfant terrible
politically uncorrect
juridically unqualified
'cos a girl who listens at nights
to the blenders' humming
cannot be healthy
I liked your pictures, "anoretic" though they are. What I mean are the images you developed in this poem. "A black sheep", a "Manson" fan, then all that photography stuff, and you say you're not artistic. OMG you certainly are. At your age to be this clever, this original, dare I say, artistic can only mean a bright future. Keep writing and shooting and you can achieve so much. This made me feel as though the narrator (you?) lacked a bit of self-confidence, but as I read on and saw the talent exposed I felt that was a wrong image. One, with this amount of talent, should be firm in their convictions and choices. Some of my best liked lines:
". . I paint in the skies anxious pictures"
"'cos a girl who listens at nights to the blenders' humming"
The first because it points to the stark nature of B&W photos. The other because it it is a picture of sleeplessness, or should I say loneliness, or both.
I found this (lucky for me) (no, seriously) I thought it was highly original, carried the reader along to the conclusion you desired, and along the way gave a bleak outlook onto a life of what (I concluded) was a very intelligent and creative individual, though that's not what you wanted us to see, but then you said "I am fake."
That was great! I really enjoyed reading this. The by-lines helped the motion.....A NOTICE in bold type..I'm just a child..culminating in "tomorrow I'll be a grown up. I don't know what "fixitives" are, but maybe that's just my ignorance. I liked the way you used different senses to deepen the poem's focus. the use of irony and contrasting images "bodily pleasures" and "bleeding to death on the bathroom floor. I'm not sure what "blender's humming" significance is. Maybe I should go back and re read the poem a few times. I suspect it's not there by accident. There's other things I liked too, but you're probably tired of reading this, so I'll just shut up.
Submission Name: I Fascinate Me
