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    dots Submission Name: I Haven't Gonedots

    Author: Adonis Cross
    ASL Info:    25/m/FL
    Elite Ratio:    0.52 - 0/1/1
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 930
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 517

       Written in roundel form.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Haven't Gonedots

    I haven't gone to see your stone, and kneel
    Beside the mound that interrupts the lawn;
    My worried friends have told me why they feel
    I haven't gone.

    They bring me flowers I can lay upon
    Your grave, and offer words to help me heal,
    To make me unafraid of moving on.

    I never try to tell them of our deal,
    Of how you said, "I'll greet you every dawn,
    In spirit, with a whisper to reveal
    I haven't gone."

    Submitted on 2006-07-11 16:19:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      oh goodness, the last stanza really hit something in me. this is such a beautiful, beautiful poem. I like the concretes, the details, the phrasing. however, the beginning doesn't match up with the end- the former is slightly more halting in flow which detracts a little from the poem. also, "try" is not strong enough a verb to carry the sentence- could "I never try to tell them of our deal" be simplified to "I never told them of our deal"?

    Adonis, is that what your parents named you or just a screen name? I was just wondering because the soft humbleness in your poem felt incongruous with such an assuming name.

    I wish you the best of luck: Good Luck!
    | Posted on 2006-07-14 00:00:00 | by nayre | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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