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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A burning passiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gothik
    ASL Info:    22 / m / Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 93/132/30
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 226
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 702



    Description:
       I know this sound cheasy, and might sound a bit weird too, but what I'm seeking as comments, would be ways to improve this one. I wrote it for someone really special to me, in hope to finally be able to translate my feeling in words.

    Thank you already.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA burning passiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Staring at the window
    I'm waiting for you
    Sitting by the phone,
    Daydreaming of you.

    Gazing at the sky,
    I wonder when I'll see you.
    To be by your sides,
    And to finnally hold you.

    Time is rushing,
    And ages are wasting,
    I have so much feelings,
    I would be sharing.

    Under a blanket of stars,
    I would show you my romance,
    I would take your heart,
    Into my love dance.

    I told you I love you,
    And you said me too.
    There's nothing I wouldn't lose
    Only to be with you.



    To my mistery girl.




    Submitted on 2006-07-11 17:20:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey, as Rain said it needs some work but the corrections it needs should be straight forward enough.
    On the first line you say staring AT the window, don't you mean through?
    In the third stanza, third line, it should be "I have so many feelings."
    I thought the fourth stanza was very sweet and romantic.
    Hope that has helped. Good luck.
    | Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by SilverScent | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write babe. It needs a little work with wording and grammar, but that's about it.

    Second stanza, third and forth line.
    "To be by your sides,
    And to finnally hold you."

    "To be by your side,
    And to finally hold you"

    Third stanza, last line.
    "I would be sharing."

    "I should be sharing"


    Keep it up! I hope things work out well with the mg
    | Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]



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