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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: sudden darknessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ziska
    ASL Info:    25/f/md
    Elite Ratio:    7.58 - 121/106/33
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 143
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 316



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssudden darknessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    i heard you set your glasses down
    with a soft click on the dresser
    in the dark except for the
    refracted streetlight between
    thin horizontal blinds
    your silhouette shadow and
    the slight curve of a smile
    ran my hands through spiky hair
    clean and fresh smelling




    Submitted on 2006-07-12 11:54:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nice image! A brief though sharp glimpse of a moment shared by two. A small subtle slice out of a sleep-weary life. One lover awaits the other's arrival, and see's it through sleepy darkness as a shadow-figure and then a warm body. Nicely described.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. The image you created here was stunning. Though I was not a fan of the sentence pattern you had here, and wasn't really tooo clear what you were trying to say. I am guessing that you were trying to create a romantic setting, if so then you suceeded. If not, then it depends. Please let me know about that. Otherwise, your descriptions were perfect. Well done.



    Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-07-12 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all just wanted to say I'm an marylander too. Thought that was intersting just to see that. Eastern Shore born and raised, lol.
    Anyway I thought this was pretty interesting. I liked the beginning because it really draws you in. Well me at least. I just have a couple suggestions:

    i heard you set your glasses down
    with a soft click on the dresser
    <>hidden<>in the dark except for the
    refracted streetlight between
    thin horizontal blinds <>where<>
    your silhouette shadow and
    the slight curve of a smile <>appeared<>


    ran my hands through spiky hair
    clean and fresh smelling

    now im kinda confused on the last two lines. Did the person who set the glasses down run their fingers through the person who heard the glasses hair, or did theperson who is observing run his/her fingers through their own hair?

    I like the last line and I dont. It just seems unfinished to me. Otherwise I really like this, especially the beginning. Nice thinking piece.

    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2006-07-12 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]



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