Description: I have returned, more moraly offensive then ever!
Good Egg & Bad Apple -------------------------------------------
The weather vein prances, fickle as we:
Good Egg and Bad Apple skulking about
Through grave yards and parks barred shut for the night.
What will the constibles do if we're caught--
Drive you back home and stick me in the dock
To be flogged at your parent's convienance.
I sing saranades of sweet seventeen
And bawdy ballads of dirty old men.
A six-pack is still rebellious to you,
But no more then teenage girls are to me.
The only spelling error Bill didn't catch is in the last line. I do believe it should be 'no more *than* teenage'.
Beyond that, I enjoyed this poem. Even if you are a dirty old man, you can certainly write. I'm glad to be back, I've missed reading other people's poems.
(Admit it, you only left because I did. You missed me. :-D)
The weather (vane) prances, fickle as we: Good Egg and Bad Apple skulking about Through grave yards and parks barred shut for the night. What will the (constables) do if we're caught(?) Drive you back home and stick me in the dock To be flogged at your parent's (convienence). I sing (seranades) of sweet seventeen And (bawdier) ballads of dirty old men. A six-pack is still rebellious to you, But no more then teenage girls are to me.
So, how was prison? I mean, how ya doing Jay? Honestly, I wondered when (or if) you'd ever return from self-imposed exile and grace us with another post. I've got to say time hasn't touched your womanizing ways, and (despite the subject matter) this write is wry, cynical and quite good.
I've made spelling corrections for you to use or discard at your convenience.
a couple of grammatical errors left to be found at your conveinience...but other than that...morally offensive indeed, and yet....strangely amusing...
i liked it...didn't at first, i'm not going to lie...i thought man, what a pedophile...and was going to leave without comment, but on further inspection, i thought it was actually a pretty clever piece...or rather a clever end...the piece as a whole left me wanting...but the ending left a real stitch in my side after a couple of read throughs...ok so i'm exaggerating, but the corners of my mouth did turn up for a second or two.
Morally offensive; hardly. Morals are not defined by what proposes an injustice against them, but by what doesn't support a lack of them. Morals are a non-verbal substance, they're merely challenged by consequence of action.
On your poetry, I believe you use a fair amount of words I enjoy reading into...yet I find no pleasure in your imagery and visionary effect... Or to be more honest, it is the nature of the poem that repels me, in foul attempt.
I am not saying you’re a poor writer, or even that you in self have been provoked to write with no cured meaning, but like meat hangs on the hooks of a butcher shop – sometimes the prize is left to naught but rot.
Submission Name: Good Egg & Bad Apple
