Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Good Egg & Bad Appledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jason The Basta
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 191/281/68
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1008
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 495



    Description:
       I have returned, more moraly offensive then ever!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGood Egg & Bad Appledots
    -------------------------------------------


    The weather vein prances, fickle as we:
    Good Egg and Bad Apple skulking about
    Through grave yards and parks barred shut for the night.
    What will the constibles do if we're caught--
    Drive you back home and stick me in the dock
    To be flogged at your parent's convienance.
    I sing saranades of sweet seventeen
    And bawdy ballads of dirty old men.
    A six-pack is still rebellious to you,
    But no more then teenage girls are to me.




    Submitted on 2006-07-13 01:26:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The only spelling error Bill didn't catch is in the last line. I do believe it should be 'no more *than* teenage'.

    Beyond that, I enjoyed this poem. Even if you are a dirty old man, you can certainly write. I'm glad to be back, I've missed reading other people's poems.

    (Admit it, you only left because I did. You missed me. :-D)
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Clarkie | [ Reply to This ]
      The weather (vane) prances, fickle as we:
    Good Egg and Bad Apple skulking about
    Through grave yards and parks barred shut for the night.
    What will the (constables) do if we're caught(?)
    Drive you back home and stick me in the dock
    To be flogged at your parent's (convienence).
    I sing (seranades) of sweet seventeen
    And (bawdier) ballads of dirty old men.
    A six-pack is still rebellious to you,
    But no more then teenage girls are to me.

    So, how was prison? I mean, how ya doing Jay? Honestly, I wondered when (or if) you'd ever return from self-imposed exile and grace us with another post. I've got to say time hasn't touched your womanizing ways, and (despite the subject matter) this write is wry, cynical and quite good.

    I've made spelling corrections for you to use or discard at your convenience.

    Take care and mind the jail bait.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      a couple of grammatical errors left to be found at your conveinience...but other than that...morally offensive indeed, and yet....strangely amusing...

    i liked it...didn't at first, i'm not going to lie...i thought man, what a pedophile...and was going to leave without comment, but on further inspection, i thought it was actually a pretty clever piece...or rather a clever end...the piece as a whole left me wanting...but the ending left a real stitch in my side after a couple of read throughs...ok so i'm exaggerating, but the corners of my mouth did turn up for a second or two.
    | Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
      Morally offensive; hardly. Morals are not defined by what proposes an injustice against them, but by what doesn't support a lack of them. Morals are a non-verbal substance, they're merely challenged by consequence of action.

    On your poetry, I believe you use a fair amount of words I enjoy reading into...yet I find no pleasure in your imagery and visionary effect... Or to be more honest, it is the nature of the poem that repels me, in foul attempt.

    I am not saying you’re a poor writer, or even that you in self have been provoked to write with no cured meaning, but like meat hangs on the hooks of a butcher shop – sometimes the prize is left to naught but rot.



    Alternatively,

    Mandolin
    | Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by Mandolin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    110488

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry