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Another Way

Author: junemarie
ASL Info:    62,F, Port Richey, Fl.
Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 66 /70 /27
Words: 111
Class/Type: Poetry /Broken
Total Views: 1090
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 636


Another Way

The night falls all around me like a blanket
The stars all fade and slowly start to die
And oh my heart has gone so still and quiet
It's just another way to say goodbye.

The sun comes up and sheds its wintry lightness
But never does it seem to shine on me
My life has lost its color and its brightness
And pain becomes my own reality.

There was a time when once I thought you knew me
But now your wintry chill just blows right through me.
I only have a few more tears to cry...but then
It's just another way to say goodbye.

Submitted on 2006-07-13 06:42:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  you're right. our poems are very similar, (last tears). worded differently but about the very same feeling or emotion. are we experiencing the same thing do you think? are the feelings you write about here true to you?
my fav lines in this one are

My life has lost its color and its brightness
And pain becomes my own reality.

i can relate completely to this. as i think you know after reading mine.
great poem,
| Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
  its just another way to say goodbye...

that line hurts me...
there are too many ways to say goodbye these days... i hate it.

to be honest... i dont know what it is you are saying goodbye to or perhaps what or who is saying goodbye to you... that is not clear at all yet the misery of saying goodbye is clearly there and the repetition of that line... that makes it all the more sad...
its just another way to say goodbye...

i have a line that has been plaguing me and one day soon will have appear in something i write
"life is a series of goodbyes (and this time its mine)"

anyways... what you have here is good but it leaves me feeling incomplete... leaves me wanting to know more... wanting to know why the pain of this goodbye... why this way of saying goodbye leaves a big enough effect (compared to the other ways of saying goodbye) that you would write about this one...

i want more...
| Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the last stanza and the way you follow a strict rhyming pattern in the first two and then use the repeated "me". Works well.

Only one nitpick. "blanket" and "quiet" and a bit dodgy. I know they kind of rhyme but it doesnt really work. Only a suggestion.

Rate: 5
| Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by Andrew David | [ Reply to This ]

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