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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Ladies Roomdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1064
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 473



    Description:
       I found myself in this situation the other day, and I figured -- When life gives you lemons, make poems.

    I considered titling it "The Road Not Taken."


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ladies Roomdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Twin stalls gape before me.
    Once again great thirst and bodily
    urge push me to hasty decision; spurred
    on by Big Gulps and tight bladder
    I arbitrarily choose the left one.

    I perch on the hard knees
    of smooth white porcelain,
    Splashing echoes against tiled walls;
    Only now do I find myself
    staring blankly at the empty
    cardboard tube.

    I should have chosen the right one.




    Submitted on 2006-07-13 12:53:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      HA. What is it about the bladder that is so inspiring? It's kind of nice to know that I'm not alone in the whole "random bathroom poem" thing. :)
    | Posted on 2007-08-05 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
      Hah! Hahahahahahahah! Oh my goodness you have a funny twist on all of your poems! I especially liked the bewildered feeling at the beginning, which merged to dread as the narrator figures out that there is no more tp! That was clear, powerful, and simple. I thoroughly enjoyed this. You should be in a funny-poem book!
    | Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by Aetha Daemon | [ Reply to This ]
      Very Funny!!! Doesn't that piss you off? Well Thanks for the laugh!
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-07-19 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      Hehehe Annie I like this one. One soon learns to see "what's missing in the picture" when faced with these types of choices, but it's usully only after going through this type of experience. And haven't we all.

    Only now do I find myself
    staring blankly at an empty
    cardboard tube.

    Once again I wait, anxious
    for a stranger's rescue.

    I should have chosen the right one.

    These lines : "Once again I wait, anxious
    for a stranger's rescue"
    are distracting and are completely unnecessary to the piece. In fact I think they detract from the poem by throwing in an unsubstantiated reference. You haven't mentioned waiting or a stranger anywhere else in the poem and really this poem isn't about waiting, but rather a play on the "right choice". I think if you discarded those lines it would give the final line more impact. Besides the reader realizes that waiting for someone to pass some paper is one option, the poem is effective without spelling it out.
    Just my opinion though. Nice write (in spite of the subject matter)~chris

    P.S. I don't know if I've thanked you for your review of Lucky...I really did mean to but I get a bit scattered sometimes...so thank you, just in case. And I almost didn't post it because I figured it really was too corny, but oh well.~c






    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      oops. think we've all been there once or twice. humorous little peice, nicely done.



    peace,

    joe
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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