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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: maninthemirror
    ASL Info:    17/m/arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    2.64 - 224/318/109
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 497



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    this feeling is familiar, but its been so long/
    I feel as if I"m wanted, I feel that I belong/
    on the brink of losing my sense of right/
    which is wrong/
    but change brings the sight/
    I see the light, so be strong/
    the ball and chain on my ankle has rusted, its true/
    broken, so I broke it, now I offer it to you/
    do with it what you will, because I no longer need it/
    life is moving on, my plans no longer impeded/





    Submitted on 2006-07-13 14:45:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      man this was really good. i liked it from the beginning to the end. it's pretty damn short but i've never seen u write a long verse. this is definitely going on my fave list
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem. I think that it is very original but I don't think that it is written very well. What is bothering me right now about this poem is that you don't really have a good rhyming pattern. It kind of goes:
    A, A,B,C,B,C,D,D,E,E
    If you know what I mean. I think that you should maybe considering changing it so that the B's and the C's are together or something like that. I hope you understand what I mean by that A,B,C,D, E, stuff.
    I think though overall, the meaning and everything was pretty good. I liked it besides the little rhyming thing that I kind of got carried away with. Other than that, awesome job and keep writing.

    | Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey! I like your work & even get what your saying ( I think) But it needs a little more polish.
    good work, keep'em comming.
    | Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]


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