[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: maninthemirror
    ASL Info:    17/m/arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    2.64 - 224/318/109
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 843
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 497


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    this feeling is familiar, but its been so long/
    I feel as if I"m wanted, I feel that I belong/
    on the brink of losing my sense of right/
    which is wrong/
    but change brings the sight/
    I see the light, so be strong/
    the ball and chain on my ankle has rusted, its true/
    broken, so I broke it, now I offer it to you/
    do with it what you will, because I no longer need it/
    life is moving on, my plans no longer impeded/

    Submitted on 2006-07-13 14:45:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      man this was really good. i liked it from the beginning to the end. it's pretty damn short but i've never seen u write a long verse. this is definitely going on my fave list
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem. I think that it is very original but I don't think that it is written very well. What is bothering me right now about this poem is that you don't really have a good rhyming pattern. It kind of goes:
    A, A,B,C,B,C,D,D,E,E
    If you know what I mean. I think that you should maybe considering changing it so that the B's and the C's are together or something like that. I hope you understand what I mean by that A,B,C,D, E, stuff.
    I think though overall, the meaning and everything was pretty good. I liked it besides the little rhyming thing that I kind of got carried away with. Other than that, awesome job and keep writing.

    | Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey! I like your work & even get what your saying ( I think) But it needs a little more polish.
    good work, keep'em comming.
    | Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Fasade written by jackz
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    True Death written by layDsayD
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    AI written by poetotoe
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Linger written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Bond written by saartha
    Brigit written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]