Description: ok so...
iron poet #7 ish
word: reaction
i cheat and therefore justin wins by default...
i half wrote this already...
it doesnt contain the word reaction but it IS a reaction so im kinda there lol...
i never knew it was this hard to type out lyrics... theres no way you can hear how i wrote the music lol...
prelude to a sigh -------------------------------------------
sometimes its unsettling
priveledge and poverty so closely mixed
lint and left overs
sequins and cigarette butts
a blend of resignation and humanity
brusque aloofness and soulful warmth
its the point of starting over [over]
on the back curve of lifes circle [lifes circle]
winding back the clock til time means nothing
life means nothing
til time means nothing
til life means nothing
its the need for reality
to straighten out
this kaliedoscope of clichés [and i said]
its the need for reality
to straighten out
this kaliedoscope of clichés
its the point of starting over [over]
on the back curve of lifes circle [lifes circle]
winding back the clock til time means nothing
life means nothing
its the prelude to a sigh
its the prelude to a
its the need for reality
to straighten out
this kaliedoscope of clichés
sometimes its unsettling...
its the prelude to a sigh
its the prelude to a sigh
its the prelude to a... [sigh]
You have a typos in privilege and this kaleidoscope , and I think leftovers is one word. I still wish you'd use apostrophes, but that's your call. I think your typographical quirks work well here. I also think you made good use of repetition.
I always feel stupid when I attempt to comment on the works of Elite's elite, but you are one of my closest friends on here, and I figured it was time. I liked out you repeated in this piece, some in italics some not. It worked for it. And, the whole title just seemed.....beautiful to me. I don't know how to explain it. I'll never be able to write like this. Heh. BCute
First off how are ya its been forever and ever since I have talked to you which I blame myself for going awol. I couldnt really type normal feedback on the piece cause when I read it I starting a tangent in my head and ran with it so below is what came out with some of your lines and some thoughts I had cause of the opening stanza. I hope I'm not stepping on your toes by doing so. I hope your well and I am gonna do my best to be round here alot from now on. -John
"sometimes its unsettling priveledhge and poverty so closely mixed lint and left overs sequins and cigarette butts humanity and resignation blended
its the point of starting over winding back the clock till life till time have no meaning
but theres no taking back and I won't turn around no you can't go back
It's the need for reality to straighten out so you know the difference between dreams over reaction and cigarrettes the prelude to a sigh
this is modern life this is genocide this is modern life let the [censored]s drown
but I'm not taking back I've never turned around no you can't it back so just leave me right here
A sigh and the dream
this is starting over not reppitition this is starting over not plaguerism
somtimes its unsettling a prelude to a sigh and you can never go back"
LOL, I told you the lyrics don't look like they're supposed to sound when you type 'em up! See! See! "This sounds like country..." Well let me tell you, THIS sounds like country! What now Jaydee? WHAT NOW?... (but seriously, what genre/band is this supposed to sound like. I want to read it again after you've told me)
I like it. I bet mine sounds ten times cooler, but I still like yours :D And I'm really tired, so this comment is super pathetic, cause I'm going to bed now--but I will comment more tomorrow! *yawn*
It sounds like country! :P
And I think you lose... there is no "reaction" in this anywhere!
I liked the title of this peice, but was expecting something totally different when i looked at this peice. The title of this peice, I think, should be changed to fit the poem more. Anyway, this poem is a good peice, with some outstanding lines. some of the lines are bland, and it's the on;y reason I'm not favoring this poem.
its the point of starting over [over] on the back curve of lifes circle [lifes circle] winding back the clock til time means nothing life means nothing til time means nothing til life means nothing
This stanza in particular was lovely, and created a good image. It also wrapped up exactly what you were talking about in a single stanza. Wishing for more ~Brian
i like the idea behind this but i will be honest and make this a worthwhile comment and suggest that this isn't your strongest writing. the idea is very good though and i give you credit for such a unique concept to write about. and i feel as if this is a half hearted attempt, so maybe you just wanted to just get this out there, try it once and see what happens.
"sometimes its unsettling priveledge and poverty so closely mixed lint and left overs sequins and cigarette butts"
that's my favorite stanza and really captures the meaning of the write, the idea.
and being the fool that i am i didn't read the description and didn't realize these are actually lyrics.
I like this piece a lot, it was intresting how you just ended up repeating things a lot, this sometimes shows how adament you are on a point or how much you are trying convince people, or sometimes both. I think in the case where you used it you where just trying to highlight the main points. Did you come up with the quotes seperatly and then try to add on to them and connect them?
I really like your ideas in here except its a bit unsettled how poverty and priviledge are so closely mixed. Sorry if I missed your point but I just dont think we should be highlighting the diffrences, I know its saying how they should all be the same in reality, but maybe add in some more imagery or somin, make it a bit more...easy to understand?
sorry, this comment sucks, your writing is REALLY good and I was trying to provide some good feedback but I think I failed...oh well.
Submission Name: prelude to a sigh
