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    dots Submission Name: Repetitive Motion Syndromedots

    Author: The Gadfly
    ASL Info:    52/M/Moreno Valley, CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.55 - 1048/1348/375
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1269
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 788

       ABAAB format; eight syllables per line, with two rhymes per line

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRepetitive Motion Syndromedots

    So parched and pale on weathered trail
    with skin drawn taut o'er furrows fraught;
    horizons fail and winds assail,
    barbs' thrust impale one tattered sail
    bound in the knot, one soon forgot.

    The leather case two hands embrace
    dry sockets drilled, through droplets spilled,
    bore sorrow's trace across the space.
    Shame and disgrace define this place
    with mercy stilled by spirit chilled.

    Deserted post, tormented ghost
    beyond the breaks death sleeps, awakes.
    Flung down the coast, half-hearted toast,
    insulting boast, you scorn the host.
    Each anguish shakes with earthen quakes.

    The Gadfly

    Submitted on 2006-07-15 02:33:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
    This write immediately drew my mind to Jesus dying on the Cross and how quick we as his children forget how caring and loving the Lord truly is
    Jesus died for all of us
    He is a peace loving God and I only wish people would stop and realize he died for all our sins so that we may live comfortable and in Happiness while on this Earth
    God Bless you Greg for Creating this beautiful and important write
    Hope fully you will wake up some eyes to how beautiful and special life is when you have The Lord in your life
    God Bless

    And I cant wait for the new album to come out
    I sent my mom a taped copy of your last album and she absolutely adores the music and words and plays it all the time
    Thank You to You and The Band for bringing some joy into her life!!!
    Your Friend
    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      ack, i hate a set rule, a set form that's required by the writer to follow. but aside from that small* fact i do like how you go about this.

    i think the use of this form (or any other) interupts a writer's imagination but then again it could also do it wonders by anchoring a writer's ship of thoughts in a sea of constant change.

    based on the rules, you do quite well and this is enjoyable and lines such as "beyond the breaks death sleeps, awakes" is memorable.

    the motif of movement in general works well because of the words it supplies as well (i think)

    cool write.

    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by Dr.Strangelove | [ Reply to This ]

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