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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: So Far Away From Heredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1484
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 789



    Description:
       This may come as a bit of a shock to some who've read my work, but this is actually the first draft of "Absurdistan." My reasons for posting this are many and varied, but I suppose the primary one involves revealing how easily a slightly cynical love poem can morph into a disillusioned critique of modern education.

    For Li Li (Munchie_1226) and stormie (of Bliss, that is).

    Bon apetit.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Far Away From Heredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Africanus delectus;
    te quiero, mi amor. What
    other form of discourse
    need there be? I sought
    audience with self-deluded
    poets whose lips shared
    neither self nor poetry.

    Then I saw a sliver
    of dark magic, the whisper
    of a slender camisole;
    as moonlight bathed
    the armor of Medea
    in the pantheon
    of wonders that she stole.

    Pooled in paths of ancient
    labyrinthine kingdoms, feathered
    notes caressed imperial wind
    till colored rain fell
    from a candied heaven,
    and fastened to the souls
    they'd hoped to bless.

    If love is not
    the kiss of simple
    reason, then where
    is the reason
    that we seek?




    Submitted on 2006-07-15 02:49:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Deep, mysterious and slightly dangerous...

    What a wonderful world of imagery you've painted - dragging the reader into this opulent world of desire and red silk draped over the hidden meanings...

    I love the way you've used 'labyrinthine' and connected it to kingdoms.

    I am fascinated - quite seriously.

    | Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      It's so true Mr. Bill that love is the kiss of simple reason. Brains are a rather dangerous object for human beings to wield and one can look at history and see the disastrous affects.

    And while poetry and art are good substitutes for the calming of desire's beast, love is probably the best antidote. Art to me is another form of love whether we first write it as self-love and decide to share or it carves some sense into the stony world our brains perceive, it's all about love.

    Thanks for posting this, under the heady words a resonant truth resides and that is defined as literature.

    Take care,

    Nan

    | Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought all writers shared themselves to an extent... or at least, would like to. Perhaps you were wanting more of themselves/ourselves to be shared?

    I think there's a price when you share so much of yourself. With people who can't see you face to face, it's a lot easier... but when they're there right in front of you, even the most obvious intentions sometimes get masked, behind mostly insecurity for what that other person may think. God knows I've said some crazy yet completely truthful stuff around people, only to get the weirdest looks... and total misunderstanding

    It's a shame it's those incidents that cause people to be wary and clam up, afraid of their next little 'outburst'.

    I'm not really sure what I'm on about with this. I guess I look for that "dark sliver" too, found in most people... that dark side full of the most crushing beauty that shapes them into the person they are. Which most are unwilling to unveil.

    Where is this reason that you seek Bill? I think that it's sometimes not in what people say, but in the pauses between sentences while their body language mirrors every truth they would rather hide.

    Even those words unwritten between other words-- they're always there... but harder to find.

    "Besides black art, there is only automation and mechanization." - Lorca.

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      For me? What did I do to deserve this one?

    This was rather twisty and turny....very dark feeling going on in the background...

    Africanus delectus;
    te quiero, mi amor.

    This was a very interesting opening. It really pulled me into the poem....almost read as that of the sound of a whisper. Like a voice not heard out loud....but subconsciously.

    Pooled in paths of ancient
    labyrinthine kingdoms, feathered
    notes caressed imperial wind
    till colored rain fell
    from a candied heaven,
    and fastened to the souls
    they'd hoped to bless.


    I felt the poem pick up pace in this stanza...kind of like a storm did arrive...and the words picked up with the wind....I think that was a very captivating part of the poem. It was what reeled me completely in.

    the ending......

    If love is not
    the kiss of simple
    reason, then where
    is the reason
    that we seek?

    Back calm again....the kiss of a simple reason....

    I truly appreciate the dedication! Even though I don't know what I did to earn it!

    This was great! You have always had a power with words....and it's great when that power can find it's way to ink.

    Beautifully done.

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      self-deluded
    poets* whose lips shared
    neither self nor poetry

    *Aye, I know those people- in fact, I may be one myself

    I am surprised that this is a first draft not only beacuse of its dissimilarity to the final but also its high caliber. If you were a band, I'd be a groupie. Allusions draw me in like a flame and you use yours so artfully. I have no critique at the moment because at this late hour, your poem has me completely enthralled. But I will be back with a brain and some working neurons to be more specific- I promise.

    But for now, good night and good luck!

    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by nayre | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn, there you go again with your poetry, forcing me to think. Why can't you just write a limerick or something?

    Heh, kidding of course. Hey Bill, long time, no see...

    I liked this. It's clever of course but for a change it's dreamy and about a woman which is right up my alley. Ok so it's probably not even about a woman knowing you, it's about the last days of pompeii or something like that, but i'm the one reading it and to me it's about a woman.

    and what a woman!

    likiing it, liking it a lot.
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      This is as fragile and delicate as Japanese painting.

    If love is not
    the kiss of simple
    reason, then where
    is the reason
    that we seek?

    Beautiful
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-08-21 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, I can see how you got there from here. You took the scenic route. lol

    Taking version #1 and version #2 together, if I get what you are saying at all, it's that love and reason, faith and intellect, beauty and science, are not mutaully exclusive, despite what the professors, preachers, presidents or other parents try to tell us.

    "If love is not the kiss of simple reason, then where is the reason that we seek?" Now that's a line worth quoting.

    Annie
    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]


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