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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Smoking Fascinates Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _taateli_
    ASL Info:    18/F/Finland
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 84/113/29
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1263
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 935



    Description:
       I smoke.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSmoking Fascinates Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    The way it dances
    curls
    the smoke,
              it laughs
    around your fingers
    (or mine)

    ‘Tis tickling your skin, caressing your nose
    all blue and white
    and the ashes fall
    like snow
    touching the metal
    tinkling in the ashtray
    - though it might all be black
    as well.

    And the smoke
    - it fills your lungs
    the poison gas makes you whole

              inhale.exhale

    fascinating;
    Why does it make you happy?
    dirty air – in your body
    that’s what it is.
    Jesus must’ve smoked
    releasing you.




    Submitted on 2006-07-15 15:40:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i went ga-ga over the jesus part!!!
    i love how you incorporated jesus!
    'the poison gas, it makes you whole'...
    perfect.
    i like smoking, too.
    i actually like it.
    it feels cold on your throat and all smoky...
    lots of scented smoke...
    i smoke menthol, so it smells extra delicious.
    dirty awesome air.
    i'll quit one day...
    but until then, hallelujah for smoking!
    it keeps me sane.
    such a romantic look at a 'disgusting habit'...
    makes me need a cigarette...
    ~ami~
    | Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Hello,

    Smoking is quite fascinating, and quite easily this could have turned into "the ciggarette is filling up my empty cold nights" but thank god it didn't really. I think you could have done without the " [ ] " In the title, it feels forcefed. Also the parenthesis around 'or mine' gives the same feel. Just eliminating those would add alot. I also think the 'tis is distracting. I like

    "all blue and white
    and the ashes fall
    like snow"

    Alot. I think you could do with using some more punctuation as well.

    I don't quite understand the Jesus line, but I too am guilty of using Jesus metaphors that are impossible to understand.
    Overall- some serious potential, I'll read more.

    Thanks,Wendy
    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Hello,

    Smoking is quite fascinating, and quite easily this could have turned into "the ciggarette is filling up my empty cold nights" but thank god it didn't really. I think you could have done without the " [ ] " In the title, it feels forcefed. Also the parenthesis around 'or mine' gives the same feel. Just eliminating those would add alot. I also think the 'tis is distracting. I like

    "all blue and white
    and the ashes fall
    like snow"

    Alot. I think you could do with using some more punctuation as well.

    I don't quite understand the Jesus line, but I too am guilty of using Jesus metaphors that are impossible to understand.
    Overall- some serious potential, I'll read more.

    Thanks,Wendy
    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Hello,

    Smoking is quite fascinating, and quite easily this could have turned into "the ciggarette is filling up my empty cold nights" but thank god it didn't really. I think you could have done without the " [ ] " In the title, it feels forcefed. Also the parenthesis around 'or mine' gives the same feel. Just eliminating those would add alot. I also think the 'tis is distracting. I like

    "all blue and white
    and the ashes fall
    like snow"

    Alot. I think you could do with using some more punctuation as well.

    I don't quite understand the Jesus line, but I too am guilty of using Jesus metaphors that are impossible to understand.
    Overall- some serious potential, I'll read more.

    Thanks,Wendy
    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Hello,

    Smoking is quite fascinating, and quite easily this could have turned into "the ciggarette is filling up my empty cold nights" but thank god it didn't really. I think you could have done without the " [ ] " In the title, it feels forcefed. Also the parenthesis around 'or mine' gives the same feel. Just eliminating those would add alot. I also think the 'tis is distracting. I like

    "all blue and white
    and the ashes fall
    like snow"

    Alot. I think you could do with using some more punctuation as well.

    I don't quite understand the Jesus line, but I too am guilty of using Jesus metaphors that are impossible to understand.
    Overall- some serious potential, I'll read more.

    Thanks,Wendy
    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]
      This is funny. I'm sorry, but it's a very enjoyable poem. A lot of people prbably write poetry on why people shouldn't smoke, and here you are, standing tall, hand on hips, and the other holding a cigar, and telling people why smoking is a good thing. This was very poetic, and I love the abstact that you used in the lines "Inhale.Exhale", and you made it dark to show how bold, but bad it was. I have to say this is a very good poem. Thanks for the share.
    Walk in Love and Light,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      i did not personally like the Jesus part. For the God who dies on the cross for your sins and mine i think he deserves much greater respect, and no blasphemy at all!!

    it was a good poem but my mind is clouded.-am smoking- the Holy Spirit is choking the bad life out of me...
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem... very very much. Writing about cigarettes can often (more than not) be cliché and used and very second hand in terms of how you write about smoking*.

    This was different of course, and it has a very modern feel to it.. and i must say the smoker, i presume you have my sympathy with some great lines. It's not just about smoking, but the smoker him(her)self, the act---both physical and platonic in nature and reveling in it.

    Great, job---this is added to my fav's list.

    -jon
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by Dr.Strangelove | [ Reply to This ]
      This fascinates me. Although i am never going to smoke, i get the impression as though i am.

    To be honest, i really don't want to lecture about what smoking does to you and how it affects other people when they are close to people who smoke, so i'm not cause i guess you have had that lecture already.

    I think although you have made a very strong point in the last few sentences, a lot of people will be willing to debate this Jesus part with you. I can see the symbolism you got here, but some people may take this literally. I just now took it literally but then i relaxed because i am not christian.

    Anyhow, you've made some very profound things here which explains why people smoke. At least i know now from your point of view why you do it. I knew it had be some meaning like you had but i've never really looked at it in detail. So it was very refreshing to see someone explain this to me in a poetic way.
    I liked it.

    Hope to see more from you.
    Take care...
    ~Irina
    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      "Fascinating!" Smoking as penance? Somehow, I feel Jesus was not a Marlboro Man, though with or without him we may all go up in smoke. They say it's an oral fetish, a fixation of the mind, something to keep the hands busy in times of stress, and a suicidal wish fulfilled. Mostly just a very bad habit that kills slowly, stealing 20% from a lifetime.

    This is a very creative poem, enjoyable to read, full of originality, challenging to tobacco fanatics, very stylistic. I loved it.

    "the smoke
    it laughs
    around your finger"

    Gives life to the smoke, we now know it has intent.

    "and the ashes fall
    like snow"

    The smoker is hooked, cannot recognize ash for ash.

    "the poison gas makes you whole"

    Perhaps the most poignant line. It captures what so many smokers feel, that sense of fullness.

    "releasing you"

    Freed from our sins or turned into smoke, both having afterlife consequences; one takes you there, the other determines direction.

    Spiritual qualities attached to smoke, is an ancient practice. You have revived it. Long ago it was used to drive out spirits, then later to preserve meats, and now in your imagination it saves souls. Like WOW!

    Phil

    | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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