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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A New Kind of Distancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rask
    ASL Info:    17/female/Canada...
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 56/34/14
    Words: 208
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1397
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1448



    Description:
       not too bad, not too great, but really, not what I wanted it to be. Enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA New Kind of Distancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A New Kind of Distance

    Our eyes whisper
    The words our lips long to part
    Our fingers hug,
    as through this painful elegance
    we were destined from the start.

    So sad you seem,
    when painted through the bars you scream
    Our palms unable to touch
    but through rhythm and tones
    are our fingers connected.

    Inevitably living through this past,
    as your hair seals my wounds
    An outcry calmed by your lips,
    tears dried by your heart,
    and gently relieving my eclipse.

    Sounds of perfection,
    with this ringing in my ears
    A voice healing all infection,
    and free from the binding restraints
    of merciless fears.

    Sometimes a sorrow so deeply
    immersed, is bound by the strength of never letting go
    To take and give a
    thousand beatings for a broken heart;
    Never really aware of what you
    may relive.

    But soon after, will
    your anguish be improved through
    closeness and a desire for intimacy.
    A new bond to eat away the remorse and
    share this newly discovered peace
    with this convalescency.

    So, to touch or remain celibate;
    the answer being my only fear.
    Should our distancing fate
    tear our beating tissues apart,
    or only make
    perfection more clear?




    Submitted on 2006-07-15 19:03:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this was very, very profound and a remarkable literary work! i was really impressed!!! 4,5 and 7 are my favorite stanzas...especially the ending...perfectly written!
    | Posted on 2006-07-31 00:00:00 | by scissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
      its like giving two messages, one about lust n the other love kind of
    its wonderfully written and all the words
    have a great flow
    relly enjoyd this .adding it to my favs
    <3ash
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      ::Inevitably living through this past,
    as your hair seals my wounds
    An outcry calmed by your lips,
    tears dried by your heart,
    and gently relieving my eclipse.

    Sounds of perfection,
    with this ringing in my ears
    A voice healing all infection,
    and free from the binding restraints
    of merciless fears.::

    i love theese stanzas
    i think this is such a great piece
    its so personal and emotional
    this is beautiful

    i really enjoyed reading it
    its powerful in a romantic way

    <3

    asherrr
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by brokenHEARTed09 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, when Heartlessname suggested that read this piece I didn't expect to be moved in the way that I was.
    Though I would like to say that the rhythm in the beggining made it a tad hard for me to keep focused, maybe thats just a personal issue but it was rather hard to keep the words in my skull and not on my lips.

    I would rather not go into specifics but I've had a life changing experiance in the past few days, and this piece simply put my feelings into a poetic affirmation:

    "Sometimes a sorrow so deeply
    immersed, is bound by the strength of never letting go
    To take and give a
    thousand beatings for a broken heart;
    Never really aware of what you
    may relive."

    Simply put, forgive and live, but don't forget the pain or sins you have received/inflicted lest you relive them. Beautiful.
    <3NoLongerAWhore


    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. The senses do inspire love in many ways. Being next to another or even just seeing them inspires such an intamacy. Love is more than emotions unbridled, its acceptance and thats what you've conveyed in a very beautiful love poem. I think I'll add this to my favorites, for I've very much liked reading it.

    Love,

    Uma Soph
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by Soph | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, a truly deep and emotional poem. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. u have a knack for describing the feeling of love that has to reach over a distance, whether it be physical, or figurative. Wow.... my boyfriend and I have been through a lot between my mom forbidding me to talk to him and his mom forbidding him to talk to me... I know this feeling well. It takes talent and feeling to really describe that in words.. u've done a better job than I will ever do. I love the image of hands, reaching out and touching each other, regardless of the distance, great image! Keep up the good work, and I hope things go well for you in this relationship! the best of luck to you in the future!
    Evey @>-->--
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by CutMeDeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful piece, really emotional and reflective. I think it's good the way it is. You can really feel the emotion being portrayed, and I like that. Really loved the whole poem, but I really liked the last paragraph. A little grammar, but...I got it. Nicely done. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by Foreseer | [ Reply to This ]
      What an intriguing love poem!

    I'm really impressed with the way you worded this, it emotes your feelings very well. How a look can speak a thousand words, and said very well.

    I'd look at the grammar ina couple of spots, it seemed to be a bit confusing, perhaps it was the teensiest bit too poetic?

    Only teensy tho, I really loved reading this, unbridles, unfettered love, you can't beat it!

    well done indeed

    be happy

    Graeme


    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm. Good job. I read most poems on this site and refuse to rate them. But, this is actually good. Honestly, if this isn't what you wanted, then what DID you want?

    Anyway, what I got out of it was someone in jail and then someone on the other side and they couldn't REALLY touch. But you know. Whatever.

    The only thing I could say that you might change is "convalescency." Although it's a valid word, "convalescence" is said much more. Not that it makes any difference. Just to consider.

    anyway. awesome.

    -Andrew
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by gargleafg | [ Reply to This ]
      Yea kind of like being in the midle of a pitbull fight but ended up a candle lit night? I love this poem ! Keep up the great work!
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-07-19 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm really really impressed, so many love poems end up being the same thing that a million times but for the most part this was pretty original, I mean it's sort of some of the same emotion that other people have described but that just means you're feeling something that someone else has felt before, which isn't a bad thing at all. ok so overall I liked it and I do'nt agree with wakwak on this being 'too poetic' that's so ironic that you could read something and say it's too poetic, lol, I dunno what he was expecting but I saw no such problem in this write, there were a lot of really good lines &parts of this that I liked but I'll pick out a few of my favorite ones;
    "Our eyes whisper
    The words our lips long to part"
    a few things came to mind when reading that, first maybe you were crying and go on the whole "tears can say a lot more then words" idea, second being that you understand each other to the point where looking into the other person's eyes can make up for silence or third that you feel you have to try and *read their eyes* because you're both too afraid to say what you're feeling at the time.
    "Our palms unable to touch
    but through rhythm and tones
    are our fingers connected."
    I can definatly relate to that, I know it's not the exact situation you were going on but the guy I'm dating right now and I only know each other online (For the time being) and it's like I always feel like we're together even though we're painfully far apart.
    "Sometimes a sorrow so deeply
    immersed, is bound by the strength of never letting go"
    that was so perfect because having to let go is very hard but it's even harder when a part of you doesn't even want to accept that you should.
    so anyway there were a lot of good parts and a lot more i could have said but I don't want to take up a huge amount of your time analyzing every line you wrote;) very good write though, if you don't mind I'd love to add it to my faves,
    jess
    | Posted on 2006-07-19 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      What a wonderfull carricature of... Intamacy... <.<

    Love poem, i dont understand alot of poems. To tell the truth, i didnt understand this one until the end, and even now i dont understand it completely. What a question at the end though. I think i do understand it a bit, though i'd rather not Embarres myself further by commenting what i think.

    A few grammar issues, not too many though, and a lot of vocabulary words i need to look up. If i do understnad this poem at all, i liked it. I really should stop reviewing poems.

    Wrath of Mowsy.
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by MowsysWrath | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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