Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: what's love (part two)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unknown soldier
    ASL Info:    17/kenner, La (N.O)
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 1348/1346/203
    Words: 227
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1042
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1321



    Description:
       i wonder if some of the older members of elite can tell me how accurate this write is


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhat's love (part two)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Yo they say love can feel great, like a million women calling you ďHighnessĒ
    But before you get the urge to go try this
    Just know that itís not all golden like Midas
    In fact itís more like sickness, more like influenza or sinus
    Two different dictionaries that vary on how we define trust
    Sometimes the stress makes me wish we could put this love shit behind us
    And rewind back to a time before we let Loveís shackles bind us
    Since the love takes Logicís place in your mind
    So when itís lost all youíre left with is regret cuz u wasted the time
    Trying to erase me from your heart even though itís taking some time
    Displaced from your memories but youíll always have a place here in mine
    Your life becomes filth and itís hard to steer through the grime
    Allergic to the ooze but everything you hold dearís in the slime
    Itís a modern day Crusade as love makes us fight for His Passion
    Lovers with nothing to lose so we choose to die for compassion
    Love can elude you no matter how rightful your actions
    But Love and Abuse are so alike that theyíre constantly clashing
    You claim love is good for you when youíre losing your health
    Because when you love them too hard itís just like abusing yourself




    Submitted on 2006-07-16 09:49:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "You claim love is good for you when youíre losing your health
    Because when you love them too hard itís just like abusing yourself "

    i love these lines.....i think they could be some of the best ive read so far...i know i keep repeating myself but damn it man you have such tallent for words you keep impressing me...

    AL



    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      With the metaphors being played out juss a lil bit they still make the point you want and there relatable to anyone who reads it soo it evens out at least. the flow was more of a poetic kind. Off and on it would go back to lyrics. Unique none the less. but I could say the structure was imperfect as well. Writing is someones way to vent and release thoughts and emotions so i wouldnt change anything if your goal was to do that. If formal and structured writing was your goal then you need to work on the forced rhymes and changes of tempo. But the way u worded it was honest and 'compassionate'.

    The ending was the best for me and the entire post spoke truth in my eyes soo GOOD read.

    Loves meaning is debatable and i think can only be described through each individual experience. ITs just when the same thoughts and emotions result in everyones depiction is when i start to think that love is pain and pain is love.

    PC

    | Posted on 2006-07-21 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      yo this is the [censored]...I agree completely..this is on my fav. list...whats sad is that we desire love and to be loved so much that we are willing to take abuse from others and ourselves...iono if I'll allow myself to be in that situation again
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]
      amazing, I really can undestand this coming from the bottom of my heart, you see, I was there, love can abuse you mentally and emotionaly. It's not always roses and kisses, it takes up alot of our time and can keep us stressed out, the sad thing is that we are all vulnerable to this. I loved it! ;)
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      great topic. your words made it easy fo rme to me relate to the message you were tryin got get across. As far as a work, i thought that the the effort you made to make the endings rhyme took away from the piece itself. But im not an established or elder writer. that's just my opinion. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by Tischpeachez | [ Reply to This ]
      hey bubz this is cool, i agree that love can feel like an illness but the symptoms only show when u split, well thats how i c it, nice flow, good phrases, i especialy liked . . .
    its a modern day crusade as love makes us fight for passion,
    lovers with nothing to lose so we choose to die for compasion,
    love can elude you no matter how rightful your actions,
    but love and abuse are so alike they're constantly clashing.
    this realy stood out for me and i can relate.
    keep em cummin babe,
    kyrenia
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    110863

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    FamiliarDemons ¬©‚ĄĘ written by kyserin
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry