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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wouldnt you agree?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 834
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 568



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWouldnt you agree?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    sometimes the wind likes flirting with the sun
    wouldnt you agree?

    something its more fun, jumping tree to tree
    wouldnt you agree?

    why walk when you fly
    into the unknown skies
    let me take your hand,
    just dance...with...me

    life is like a dream
    wouldnt you agree?

    you wake up and believe
    and then you would agree
    that the love i have for you
    is just so pure and true

    id do anything you
    and yes you should

    agree




    Submitted on 2006-07-16 12:48:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's a lovely sentiment. Simple and easy to read. I like poetry that is straight to the point with meaning. SOunds like you wrote it for someone in particular.
    Only one complaint. I think you may have left out a word at the end.
    Seems like it should read:
    id do anything for you
    and yes you should

    agree

    Other than that, nicely done.
    Keith
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by Man in Black | [ Reply to This ]
      I like what this peice was trying to say, but something just makes me think that it needs to be made better. I think one way would be to take this certain peice:

    you wake up and believe
    and then you would agree
    that the love i have for you
    is just so pure and true

    This makes the poem more personal to you, but makes it so much ore impersonal to the reader, and for poetry written to be read, that is an important part of it.
    Wishing for more
    ~Brian
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]


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