He keeps his nail clipping in a faded old box, which I believe he would hide under his bed if he didn't sleep on a futon. He tells me it's what they did in ancient Egypt. That Egyptians believe that if anyone got a hold of these clipping that the person could cast evil magic on the you. He tells me that's how I know that he trusts me. I know where he hides the box. I would never touch the box on principle. The thought of his little white nail clippings makes my stomach turn, it really has nothing to do with trust.
His apartment is small and cluttered. It is only one room and a bathroom. It is shaped like a rectangle and the walls are lined with faded and scorched stained wood. I think it makes the room look even smaller. That is the reason I have started painting pictures for the walls. Pictures of different color and sizes. Pictures that hold no meaning, no value. He never comments on them. He just lets them be. He likes to do that. He likes to leave things untouched and unmarred. He even likes to let me be. He will come and walk me to his apartment. (I always get lost when I try and find it on my own. It's crammed between two shops that look the same).After we get there I will sit down on his mattress and he will leave. I don't know where he goes but he does not stay with me. I don't mind any more but the first time he left me I cried until I must have fallen asleep. I woke up and he was sleeping beside me. I know now it is just something he likes to do.
He thinks I'm fascinating when I am drinking. He has started leaving bottles of vodka and diet pop in his small beer fridge for me. He says that just by looking at me he can tell when I've had to much to drink...that I don't even have to open my mouth and speak slurs. He says I get this look that only he knows. My eyes get wider and my eyebrows speak for me. I think he is full of shit. I know it bothers him that I go out drinking with other people. One night he told me that he is the only one that should get to enjoy me when I'm drunk. He is the only one that can handle me when I go to far. I think for the most part I can handle myself but I have refrained from telling him when I go out with my friends. It is just easier that way.
He listens to nature music when he can't fall asleep. The kind with a million different birds chirrping and wind rustling the trees. To tell you the truth, I hate it. It scares me and keeps me awake. One night when he was listening to the bird tape and I thought he had fallen asleep. I got up to leave. I couldn't take the noise anymore. I got half way to the bus stop when I heard his footsteps following me. I kept walking, he kept following. I got to the bus bench and he just watched me from the corner. I went home and he didn't speak to me for two days. When I ask what he did for those two days without me. He says he went to the mountains. That is his answer for everything.
He says he cares about nothing and then he says he cares about everything. He tells me he hates it when I snore but he loves to watch me when I sleep.
One day my lips are motivation the next day he wishes I would wipe the smile from my face. I just want him to want me. He has never leaned in for a kiss but sometimes he holds my hand. He likes to smell my hair and he says he hates the way I make his apartment smell like woman. He tells me he thinks I am beautiful and then he takes it back. Tells me how he wants to marry this girl I never meant. He thinks I will never get married, no one will ever live up to my expectations. I think the same thing about him.
He asked me once if he could keep me. I told him he already has me. I know exactly what I am. I think he knows it, too. I am just the useless clippings, the unwanted part of him that keeps coming back. Poison in the wrong hands, wounding. Something to horde away. There is only one thing I don't know where he hides me.
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Submission Name: Fragments and Clippings
