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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mr. Depressiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DanceADream
    ASL Info:    16 f canada
    Elite Ratio:    5.05 - 205/153/29
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1116
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1241



    Description:
       hey, i thought it sounded to sad at the end so i added another stanza...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMr. Depressiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Im young, but not that innocent
    With scars on my arm as proof.
    The innocence has long been gone
    In all honesty and truth.

    It was a bright and sunny day,
    I dont know why it seemed so dark,
    Maybe its all those hurtful things,
    Now that I remark.

    One cut for every time I cried
    I shed a million tears.
    A pill for each word that hurt
    Giving me someone new to fear.

    His name is depression.
    He followed me every day.
    He wanted to make me miserable,
    Threatening not to go away.

    Each day he got much bigger
    And I became lost in his wrath.
    Turning weaker and weaker,
    I kept walking deeper in his path.

    It all started with a single phrase.
    Just three tiny little words,
    That now surround me every day,
    I hate you is what I heard.

    In too deep to see the light
    That once consumed my soul;
    I needed to be rescued
    I was way out of control.

    Three new words reversed the spell;
    They changed my life around.
    When someone said I love you
    A new light is what I found.




    Submitted on 2006-07-16 20:15:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      maybe it's not good that i love reading depression poems and emo kind of stuff lol, but your title inevitably caught my eye. the only thing about this piece that i didn't like was the fact that some of the rhymes felt forced, and so the words seemed awkwardly placed, but none of it particularly detracted so its not really much to critique. it was a good poem, the parts about cutting hooked me in...self mutilation is not good to get into, since it becomes a perpetual answer and option to ease all of your problems. i would've loved to hear a couple more metaphors and more about your struggles with depression/trying to be strong about it, and what it was caused by in a little greater detail. however if you skimped away from the intimacies on purpose i would completely understand that too. overall, you wrote a good poem and i enjoyed it.

    ~sabrina.
    | Posted on 2008-01-12 00:00:00 | by icaughtfire591 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great poem, because it's so true and I've felt like that and it hurts and it feels like you're sinking too far to climb back up. The flow wasn't pushed at all it all fit together very nicely. My favorite stanza was:

    In too deep to see the light
    That once consumed my soul;
    I needed to be rescued
    I was way out of control.

    I loved this stanza because I can relate to this one the most because everything seems so dark and gloomy and sad when I was depressed and I wanted someone to be there and rescue me but no one ever was.

    I love this poem and am gonna add it to my favorites.

    Great job.

    Alina
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by luckyms20 | [ Reply to This ]
      The ending of your poem is beautiful, I didn't expect something like that. And it's very true, the words "I love you" are very strong.

    I liked the way you described depression throughout your poem. You described it perfectly and in an original way.

    Your poem didn't make me sad, instead it made me see your depression, and understand it. I liked that, because I saw depression from a different point of view.

    I think the first line is the one that I liked the most. I can relate to it perfectly. Though I think this stanza was the best:

    Each day he got much bigger
    And I became lost in his wrath.
    Turning weaker and weaker,
    I kept walking deeper in his path.


    Great job!

    Keep writing.

    XoXo
    Gaby
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by Lost_Delirious | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool it is really good poem. You had personified the depression very well. In "I don't know why it seemed so dark," If you write "do not" instead of "don't" It will be more effective. In "I shed a million tears." you would better write "I shed a million tear." And I think that if you had used apostrophe to Mr. Depression in this poem it would be great. Any thing else is very good and with your strong and sample words you made a very good poem.

    Medhat
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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