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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Insomniac's Theatredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Liv2LoveThePain
    ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527/1515/256
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 998
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1120



    Description:
       It's about how you can lose your mind if you don't sleep enough


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInsomniac's Theatredots
    -------------------------------------------


    You won't always be my enemy,
    Crafting my demise.
    There's a bloodbath in the hallway.
    It's dripping from my eyes.

    You sucked the life right out of me,
    And now you're in too deep.
    I'll hide behind the glowing stage
    To watch your necklace weep.

    Scream into the camera.
    The sound won't reach the walls.
    Slip and sink into the mess
    Until the curtain falls.

    Announcer says, "Ladies and gentlemen,
    This show will have to end
    Much sooner than expected...
    But kindly come again."

    The cast and crew are sleeping.
    Blood has filled their throats.
    The murder weapon's in my hand
    While I put on my coat.

    I'll have to leave before the crowd
    Starts to get suspicious.
    (But they are all distracted.)
    I'm so damn surreptitious.

    I always was your enemy,
    Crafting your demise.
    There's a bloodbath in the hallway.
    It's insomnia disguised.




    Submitted on 2006-07-16 20:16:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Wonderful. Lack of sleep does slowly kill you. Makes everything harder, makes you a horrid disaster. I should know. I am a Insomniac. It sucks. In a world of dreams you can excape this life of nightmares. But where are the dreams when all you have are wide eyes and a busy mind. Replaying everything you have ever done wrong. Slowly driving you to pick up your trusty knife one last time and just give up on all the pain that you go through each and everyday.

    "You won't always be my enemy,
    Crafting my demise.
    There's a bloodbath in the hallway.
    It's dripping from my eyes."

    "I always was your enemy,
    Crafting your demise.
    There's a bloodbath in the hallway.
    It's insomnia disguised."

    I liked these. You have blood shot eyes, yet you believe that you can somehow get sleep. Although you know in your heart that you won't be able to. I truely did enjoy this.

    Adios

    Akai_Ame


    | Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
      i can't put my finger on it, but there's something about the words you use...not so complex, but really elegant at the same time...i love your style! keep it up!

    ~chaos!
    | Posted on 2006-07-20 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      oohhh... I really liked this one a lot! Especially this stanza:

    "You won't always be my enemy,
    Crafting my demise.
    There's a bloodbath in the hallway.
    It's dripping from my eyes."

    But they were all exquisite! I have no criticism to offer, it was simply brilliant! I always love your imagery as well as your choice of words. You do a good job of keeping away from the cliché, and always put such emotion in your work that the reader can't help but feel it, or at least I can't!

    Bravo!

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      Been listening to a bit of Panic!? lol it was the stanza with surreptitious in it that caught my eye.

    I probably like

    Announcer says, "Ladies and gentlemen,
    This show will have to end
    Much sooner than expected...
    But kindly come again."

    the best because the stanza flowed well... and it was smooth... in more than one way but i don't know how to explain.

    Umm... You've done better but it's still good.

    Take care.
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn girl! Whoo, whoo; Whoo, whoo! Party over here, party over there. "I"m so happy 'cause today I found my friends are in my head"Lithium-Nirvana. Hey, i've to have someone to play with. This is,... lets see, good; no, great; no, lucid; well maybe, but ultimately this has your prints all over it. Doesn't sound like much, but for you to already have a write in which one can distinguish as "Nikki's" is a lot. You're writing expendetures are unique, sometimes vaguely or subtley, but yours none the less(even if you borrow from others that, inspire). Kinda like Poe, you'd more than likely know it was him if you read one of his picks, same with you, even when you do something off the wall, you have this way of marking your writes so eople know they're yours, and that's [censored] ill! And while I don't think the description helps any, it doesn't seem to hurt. And it is something aside from insomnia to me, and I imagine others too. Interesting perspective, hope you sleep, well.
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, evening.
    Seeing as everyone else tends to paste on their comment a piece of this, and claim it as their favourite, I hereby claim this:
    " The cast and crew are sleeping.
    Blood has filled their throats.
    The murder weapon's in my hand
    While I put on my coat. "
    This is - in my opinion - truly excellent. It seems to convey a sense of the wierd normality of the situation. I think it works as just a poem, almost better than when you imagine it is about insomnia. A nice bit of haunting always goes down a treat. x.
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by writhe | [ Reply to This ]
      "You sucked the life right out of me,
    And now you're in too deep.
    I'll hide behind the glowing stage
    To watch your necklace weep."

    That sounded so brilliant i cant even fawn over it enough. Ok i am officially your greatest fan, (Nikki tees collectors edition on display, dont touch the merchandise they are priceless you could damage them, ok that was dramatic lol) crazy stuff. Dont mind me i had two panadols with my coffee and i think my shoes are talking to me. Gotta go find a shrink.

    Befuddled (is that even a word),
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      P.S. where do you find all your great pics, they are absolutely amazing in capturing the essence of your pieces.

    Amazed,
    Jay.

    P.S.S. Can you find shrinks in the yellow pages, would you look under S for shrinks or P for psychiatrists?
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]


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