It spoke volumes -------------------------------------------
It’s a blessing how
something as simple as
pearl white
framed by vibrant, chrome-finished cinnamon
can take hostage
a man who once firmly believed
that his was a soul impenetrable
I liked this seems so redundant...so I enjoyed this will have to do. It was short without being vague. A smile can open up many doors when used the right way. in this case i think it leads to love. Thanks for sharing...
All I can think about after reading this is staring at someones smile. The rest of the face in that instant is not important. It's the smile of someone who until that moment in my eyes you never realized their importance to you, I'm talking true meaning of your feelings here. It's like the light bulb went off and all of a sudden you feel as if you can't live without that smile. You keep coming back to it when you close your eyes. It makes me think back to the moments leading up to the first time I kissed my girlfriend. It's a feeling of fear in the best way. To qoute the band Death Cab for Cutie "fear is the heart of love" your afraid of it because you don't want to lose it, it can crush you. Make you do foolish things, and sometimes make you stop acting in the way most common for you. Yet when we name the fear and we take its power away, for me at least, I thought how could I ever live without it. The actions I take because of this fear make me stronger.... Ok I am ranting. I feel the best feedback is what a piece makes you think. I can offer no thoughts on your style because I would not change a thing. I am however interested in the moments your were inspired to write this piece.
Every line has some hard hitting element some sort of feeling or sence.
It’s a 'blessing' how something as 'simple' as 'pearl' white framed by vibrant, chrome-finished 'cinnamon' can take 'hostage' a man who once firmly 'believed' that his was a soul 'impenetrable'
I love thoughs word choices and how you started with its a blessing and ended having learn't something about yourself.
I was just about to say this short paraghraph speaks volumes about that moment and then i remembered that is what you called the poem. so a justified name for the poem and a poem that justifies the moment descripbed.
The flow was great and it it just read like velvet when I scaned it. I thought by the title that it might be just another sappy love poem but I was surprised at what I found. I like how it continues without a break in the flow. I find that hard to do myself.
The flow was great and it it just read like velvet when I scaned it. I thought by the title that it might be just another sappy love poem but I was surprised at what I found. I like how it continues without a break in the flow. I find that hard to do myself.
Aw...this is really sweet. This is one of those "Love at First Sight", things, and I hope that it worked out, because by this poem, you seem like a very lyrical man. I love that you took a lot of words that are like abstract, that like convery imagery. It's like an artist that draws everything but the white egg, with different colors, and when they are done with it, they ended up drawing the egg in the first place. I hope that makes sense, because it made sense in my head, lol. Anyway, this was a really sweet write. Great job. Walk in Love and Light, ~Azura*
Well, first let me say, it's a blessing that something this simple has caught my attention; I was beginning to get discouraged in finding anything worth reading and then bam I find this piece. I believe that this piece is really sincere and sweet because it is simple. I like how you don't mention a "him" or a "her" until the very end. Also, being the romantic that I am, I really enjoyed this being wrote from a guy's point of view because sometimes it's hard to know if guys feel at all. lol ;) So yeah, Wonderful job. I'll have to read more of your work. Take care!
I'm listening to Randy Crawford best hits album and when I read that I was like oh my freaking word, its lovely! Its like her song, One hello. I love short concise poems. I try to write like that, so much said in the least amount of space Enjoyed reading it. *dani
Yay for minimalism! That's the way to go with love poetry. Yep--this is good stuff. I love your imagery for the smile. Some will say that "pearl whites" is a bit cliché, but screw them. I really enjoyed this. Sorry this comment totally sucks lol
It’s a blessing how something as simple as pearl white framed by vibrant, chrome-finished cinnamon ----
I agree with HaldirLives here....I wasn't sure that it was a smile being described until I read the description - now that I know, I can see it quite clearly. I think the chrome-finished cinnamon threw me off a bit, it almost made me think of 'jewelry' when used in conjunction with 'pearl' ...and I had to back up and say, huh? *scrolls up, reads description* "Oh." So maybe if you made the title indicate that this was about a smile, instead - then that would be cleared up nicely. This piece, when prepared by the description (or an apt title ) is very poignant, short and to the point, a powerful phrase. Without that preparation though, it is a bit lacking. I know, I know, you're saying "DO I NEED TO BE MORE OBVIOUS? PEARL WHITE OBVIOUSLY MEANS TEETH!!" and mumbling at me right now >< But I'm just saying that, that wasn't the first thing I thought of, in the context in which it is presented. The word 'chrome' makes me think of metal, and pearl + metal makes me think of 'jewelry'. Lol. Not my fault ^ But anyway. Once we know that its a smile, the rest is beautiful :
can take hostage a man who once firmly believed that his was a soul impenetrable
Love at first sight? A smile melting away all the walls you've built around yourself - a wonderful moment, if a bit frightening and daunting. I think the words you've used to describe the effect of one on the other are wonderful, and wouldn't change that part at all.
I really like this. It's short and to the point, but still really creative. I like the way you described the smile. I didn't realize what you were describing until I read your note on the poem, though, so maybe that could be clarified. But a part of me likes the ambiguity of it. Anyways, I still think it's great. -HaldirLives
Oh that rocks. beautiful. I'm faving it. I love minimalist poems, and this one stands out because it paints a flawless picture as well as making an emotional impact. Also I love that instead of saying "it's amazing how" or "it's crazy how" you say "it's a blessing" because love truly is. Love certainly can break through even the toughest shell. Well written. jessica
Submission Name: It spoke volumes
