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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ...Nakedly Entangled...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AfricanPrincess
    ASL Info:    21/F/SA
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 222/201/31
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 989
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 974



    Description:
       ....we are all wrapped up in sheets, but sometimes life offers you someone special to lay wrapped up together with in each others sheets...
    (the sexual connotations in the 2nd last stanza just portrays the intimacy involved)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots...Nakedly Entangled...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    We lay entangled in our multitude of sheets

    Wrapped up in my sheets
    White unadulterated
    Scarlet adoring
    Black ripped
    Supple, rigid
    Silky, coarse
    Thorn infested
    Wire plagued sheets

    Yet your fingers bleed
    Unwrapping them from my covered body
    Your mind drowning in the confusion
    of my flamboyantly painful emotions
    Trusting that beneath it you'll discover me
    Waiting, as I unravel you
    Wrapped up in your sheets
    White unadulterated
    Scarlet adoring
    Black ripped
    Supple, rigid
    Silky, coarse
    Thorn infested
    Wire plagued sheets

    I stare in admiration at your brave nakedness
    Meeting my shivering being
    Your body taking me refuge in my exposed centre
    As we melt in unclothed pleasure while

    We lay nakedly entangled in our multitude of sheets




    Submitted on 2006-07-17 15:20:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      This was great!!! I like it and it kept your mind wondering if one could ever be so happy or so sad? Anyway great write and if you get a chance come read some of my new stuff.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-07-31 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you repeat the word sheets redundantly. I know that repetition can be use to establish rhythm, but I think this would work far better without so much repetition. For instance, you could say:

    Wrapped up in my sheets
    White unadulterated
    Scarlet adoring
    Black ripped
    Supple, rigid,
    Silky, coarse
    Thorn-infested, wire-plagued
    sheets

    (I think I'd only use two adjectives per line to be consistent).
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. It's a good analogy for exposingone self to a lover gradually, as if you are peeling away layers to get to the true person beneath.

    Wrapped up in my sheets-
    White unadulterated sheets,
    Scarlet adoring sheets,
    Black ripped sheets,
    Supple,
    rigid,
    silky,
    coarse sheets-
    Thorn infested,
    wire plagued sheets
    I liked the repetition of sheets, and the above structure is just how i would split it up- I think its fine the way it is. I thought it was beautifully written and descriptive of all the right feelings. Great write.
    laura
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by etheariac | [ Reply to This ]


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