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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Green Islanddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JoKing
    Elite Ratio:    5.39 - 77/113/42
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 922
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 358



    Description:
       Named after a real beach, I go to sometimes to think. Any comments welcome. Thanks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGreen Islanddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The pale sand runs through my fingers and
    I feel its grittiness rub against my skin.
    soft ocean waves roll along to me, and I listen to
    sea birds crying out their hearts to the wind.
    beach-thinking is the best part of breaking down;
    it rinses the soul with salt air and lets the mind sail onto
    green waters.




    Submitted on 2006-07-17 16:10:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This just feels good to read. It left me feeling peaceful. I, too, have a beautiful place to go when I need some brain cleansing. Mine is a waterfall in the woods behind my mother's house. This poem left me with the exact feeling of peace I get there even though they are two totally different places. Well accomplished.
    The only thing I could find to fix is the first line needs a comma before "and" or you could remove "and" and use a period or semicolon.
    jessica
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]
      The pale sand runs through my fingers
    (as) I feel its grittiness rub against my skin.
    soft ocean waves (swell over) me; I listen
    to sea birds crying out their hearts to the wind.
    beach-thinking is the best part
    of breaking down;
    it rinses the soul with salt air
    and lets the mind sail onto
    green waters.

    You've captured a reflective moment probably as well as it can captured (on paper, at least) in all its sensual, suspended enjoyment. I've made a few grammatical suggestions in the body of the write above, but as always, you may use or discard them as you see fit. Nicely, nicely done, by the way.

    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Green spirals, oceans of calm... it's very Zen... meditative composure.

    I like "beach-thinking"-- it's very apt and describes it in a concise, original way.

    Not much to say except you've written what needs to be said when in a peaceful contemplative mood.

    We all need to get away and find our centres. This brings me back to it wisfully. A pity it's winter here though lol.

    Nice piece.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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