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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ** Random Poem Bout Nothingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 840
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 901



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots** Random Poem Bout Nothingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My mind went blank
    My vision blurred with black
    My hand reached for the counter
    Then I fell flat

    Lying on the floor
    Not thinking, not moving
    Voices echoing through my head
    Down an empty tunnel

    As I lay there immobile
    People ran around screaming
    Loved ones yelling out my name
    But it just didnít register.

    Waking up seemingly a moment later
    A room draped all in white
    White men staring down at me
    My mind began to work

    People asking me the day and the year
    Questions to which I held no answers
    Doctors telling me to lay still
    But I had the urge to run free

    Then one day I ran
    Ran from the white walls
    The enclosed space and the me within
    Only I didn't know returning would be inevitable.




    Submitted on 2006-07-17 18:16:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Then one day I ran
    Ran from the white walls
    The enclosed space and the me within
    Only I didn't know returning would be inevitable."

    I thought this piece was average until I got to this line...It grabbed me and I understood it all completely then. I don't know if it worked for anyone else like that but after that last stanza the entire thing formed a better picture and I was like 'Woah, I need to read this again!' Really, props on that last stanza- it blew me away!
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by beldolore | [ Reply to This ]
      I actually quite enjoyed reading this a great improvment from the last thing I read and quite a bit more original.

    I think you should try to write more random nothingness(if that is infact a word lol)

    Quite well written leaves the reader wondering what shall happen when they return and what is this quest that caused your lose of time?

    Good write causes me to see sort of a person who had gone through a tramatic event caving under the pressure causing temporary ( or permanint) amynsia(cant spell it) and winds up in a mental hospital, fighting to be free so they might understand what it is they have lost?
    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really one great write
    I know the feeling you are describing as I have had the same feeling more then once when I have ODed on drugs
    I am now one year sober and for that I Thank God
    You capyured the feeling and the sense of fear well with your words
    Excellent Job!!!
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This sounded like you took your life and then they brought you back...like you're trying to "run free" from life. I liked this poem and i think IT IS ABOUT SOMETHING!!! SOO HAA...lol...but i could be totally off but i liked it none the less.
    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by ollie_wicked | [ Reply to This ]


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