"Then one day I ran Ran from the white walls The enclosed space and the me within Only I didn't know returning would be inevitable."
I thought this piece was average until I got to this line...It grabbed me and I understood it all completely then. I don't know if it worked for anyone else like that but after that last stanza the entire thing formed a better picture and I was like 'Woah, I need to read this again!' Really, props on that last stanza- it blew me away!
I actually quite enjoyed reading this a great improvment from the last thing I read and quite a bit more original.
I think you should try to write more random nothingness(if that is infact a word lol)
Quite well written leaves the reader wondering what shall happen when they return and what is this quest that caused your lose of time?
Good write causes me to see sort of a person who had gone through a tramatic event caving under the pressure causing temporary ( or permanint) amynsia(cant spell it) and winds up in a mental hospital, fighting to be free so they might understand what it is they have lost?
This is really one great write I know the feeling you are describing as I have had the same feeling more then once when I have ODed on drugs I am now one year sober and for that I Thank God You capyured the feeling and the sense of fear well with your words Excellent Job!!! God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
This sounded like you took your life and then they brought you back...like you're trying to "run free" from life. I liked this poem and i think IT IS ABOUT SOMETHING!!! SOO HAA...lol...but i could be totally off but i liked it none the less.