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    dots Submission Name: daddy's dead little girldots

    Author: whispered_chaos
    ASL Info:    15/f./cincinnati ohio
    Elite Ratio:    6.8 - 151/94/48
    Words: 284
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1483
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1752


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdaddy's dead little girldots

    trapped under the ice his fingers go numb
    a sharp thorn draws blood from his thumb,
    the snowfall encases him in crystalline light
    saves him from everything he fears in the night.

    a mockingbird sings as he freezes under
    a blanket of ice shards, a new pirate's plunder
    he looks, sees nothing, feels nothing but cold
    he steals him away, his young face grows old.

    blood on the ice-caps, a sacrifical rite,
    that leaves the boy dying, shaking with fright.
    he reaches his hands inside his dead body,
    and pulls out his heart and stares at it oddly.

    he kisses the organ he holds in his hands,
    stops before eating it, the rule reprimands,
    nails dig into his softened cold skin
    his face grimaces slightly as each one goes in.

    chains wrap around the boy's rigid corpse
    he strips him and rapes him now with full force
    then he gets up and kisses his lips
    puts his hands in his mouth, hardens his grip.

    he breaks his jaw, and then his neck
    then crushes his rib cage and starts on a trek
    just leaving him lie there under the stars
    bleeding all alone, his body all scars.

    he opens the door to his hidden little home
    then sits at a table, remorseful and alone,
    he takes out the boy's heart from his jacket pocket,
    then puts it in the drawer with his daughter's gold locket.

    "i love you my darling, now we have won
    the bad man who killed you today lost his son."
    the man starts to cry, his tears blot the paper
    with a story of a girl and the man who raped her.

    Submitted on 2006-07-18 11:19:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      So dark and full of hate? I like this poem but it gave me chills because i could picture the whole thing in my mind while Iwas reading it. Great write!
    Kelley frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. that was totally amazing. wot a talent, keep it up!!
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Whaoh, I love the story. Puts so many emotions in my head. It was like watching a short movie. I could see it!


    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by bigrig0625 | [ Reply to This ]

    That was powerful.


    *Sits stunned.*

    I don't know what to say. God.

    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel the chills through the computer moniter, thats how real ur poem feels. I have to agree with tox i feel sorry for the little boy. Good work

    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem...wow...lol..I have chills. This is an amazing poem, it's very vengeful and angry in a twisted, killers way. You have amazing talent! I enjoy your poetry very much. Great job and keep up awesome work!

    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by my_worst_fear85 | [ Reply to This ]
      that was so......so o my god i'm speechless this was great
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by supergirl_in_oh | [ Reply to This ]
      OK, I can try, but I don't think there's any way to come close to finding the words to do this piece justice. I'm in tears, and I gave those up years ago. The subject matter is brutal and the ending is beautifully tragic. The structure is perfect. I can't rhyme when I write. Some people do, and chose easy words. You've chosen exquisite words that convey a very intelligent mind. I am a parent and can see the justice in the events, as twisted and painful as they are. I'd loose my mind if anyone ever did that to my daughter (actually I have a son) so I can see going over the edge for revenge. Your talent is stellar. I don't know what else to say. I'm so glad I read this. It was amazing.
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Lisa Milligan | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, you are just overflowing with talent.
    That is amazing.
    The flow is perfect. The wording is perfect. It's a sick, sad story, which to me, makes it perfect.
    I felt bad for the boy too. But I think I was loving the violence too much to get the full "sad" effect. Or maybe I just felt even worse for the guy who killed him (Not until the end though).
    Anyways, now that I've rambled my way through this comment, lol I'll just say "Wonderfully done" and be on my way

    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Powerful. Very morbid and sadistic, but I loved every bit of it. I kind of feel sorry for the little boy though, he didn't deserve what happened to him, it was the father who raped the girl that deserved it, if I understood your poem correctly. Anyway, peace...

    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]

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