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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ** Out To Seadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 738
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 446



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots** Out To Seadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Washed away was my love for you
    Written in the sand
    A heart with two initials
    One for me, and the other for you
    But that all went out to sea
    As the tide came in
    The water uncaring drew in our love
    Crushed it with a magnitude of force
    So only our dim memories were left
    Drifting on the waves
    With a final look and the parting of lips
    My feet unwillingly dragged me away.




    Submitted on 2006-07-18 12:04:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This write I found to be very deep
    You wrote this from a completely different point of view then what I believe but I still enjoyed this
    To me When the water of the Ocean brushes over the heart and initials I would say it is sealing the initials together and bringing them together as one
    Water to me has incredible healing power and is truefully the most important ingrediant to Happiness
    Nice Job!!!
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I have a distaste for inverted lines, so I think I'd prefer it if you just said "My love for you was washed away." I think inverted lines sound archaic and too consciously "poetic." I'd also prefer "the uncaring water." I think it should be drug in the past line. I also think that since you used some punctuation, you should use it throughout. Overall, I thought this was ok.

    I hope all is well,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-07-19 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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