** Out To Sea -------------------------------------------
Washed away was my love for you
Written in the sand
A heart with two initials
One for me, and the other for you
But that all went out to sea
As the tide came in
The water uncaring drew in our love
Crushed it with a magnitude of force
So only our dim memories were left
Drifting on the waves
With a final look and the parting of lips
My feet unwillingly dragged me away.
This write I found to be very deep You wrote this from a completely different point of view then what I believe but I still enjoyed this To me When the water of the Ocean brushes over the heart and initials I would say it is sealing the initials together and bringing them together as one Water to me has incredible healing power and is truefully the most important ingrediant to Happiness Nice Job!!! God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
I have a distaste for inverted lines, so I think I'd prefer it if you just said "My love for you was washed away." I think inverted lines sound archaic and too consciously "poetic." I'd also prefer "the uncaring water." I think it should be drug in the past line. I also think that since you used some punctuation, you should use it throughout. Overall, I thought this was ok.