[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: ** Out To Seadots

    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 745
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 446


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots** Out To Seadots

    Washed away was my love for you
    Written in the sand
    A heart with two initials
    One for me, and the other for you
    But that all went out to sea
    As the tide came in
    The water uncaring drew in our love
    Crushed it with a magnitude of force
    So only our dim memories were left
    Drifting on the waves
    With a final look and the parting of lips
    My feet unwillingly dragged me away.

    Submitted on 2006-07-18 12:04:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This write I found to be very deep
    You wrote this from a completely different point of view then what I believe but I still enjoyed this
    To me When the water of the Ocean brushes over the heart and initials I would say it is sealing the initials together and bringing them together as one
    Water to me has incredible healing power and is truefully the most important ingrediant to Happiness
    Nice Job!!!
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I have a distaste for inverted lines, so I think I'd prefer it if you just said "My love for you was washed away." I think inverted lines sound archaic and too consciously "poetic." I'd also prefer "the uncaring water." I think it should be drug in the past line. I also think that since you used some punctuation, you should use it throughout. Overall, I thought this was ok.

    I hope all is well,
    | Posted on 2006-07-19 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]