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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ** Soul Withindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 649
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 529



    Description:
       done now


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots** Soul Withindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lost in My Own World
    Trapped Within My Thoughts
    Drowning in a Pool Of Sorrow
    An Abyss Filling Quickly
    No Way To Escape
    Immeasurable Fear
    Submerges My Lonely Heart
    With the memories of the past
    Recollections of lost love
    Love lost at the cost of my heart
    A heart that now only decays
    Memories fading with it
    To be lost within the soils of my body
    Sucking out life
    To be left lifeless
    The End







    Submitted on 2006-07-18 15:56:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Eh, here I am. I happened to glance at your journal exiting your page and I figured, there are so many poems I've written that I consider my best and no one has commented. Do something to change it for another person.

    I don't see why more people haven't commented on this piece. I'll make this a long comment. How's that? Eh? Hehe! <3

    Lost in My Own World
    Trapped Within My Thoughts

    These lines I can most definitely relate to most. When you're lost in your own world, typically I feel trapped in my own thoughts. It was startling and a bold way to start the poem. It drew the reader in.

    Drowning in a Pool Of Sorrow
    An Abyss Filling Quickly
    No Way To Escape
    Immeasurable Fear

    These next few lines just caused me to almost suffocate with the words. Feeling the panic and the fear. The use of the words drowning, abyss, escape, immeasurable really kept the flow of the mood. If anything it escalated how the reader was supposed to feel. Good choice of words.

    Submerges My Lonely Heart
    With the memories of the past
    Recollections of lost love
    Love lost at the cost of my heart

    Here it is again, those freaking words. Submerges...agh. Talking about how your heart is literally drowing. Completely under this Pain. There is no happiness acting as a buoy. Starting to remember lost love and it causing you to sink a little bit deeper.


    A heart that now only decays
    Memories fading with it
    To be lost within the soils of my body
    Sucking out life
    To be left lifeless

    Here it is the death of the heat. What on Earth. You state here that memories fade with it. And, while the pictures fade...you don't suggest the pain does. Which is so, so true. Lost within the soils of your body? Good Lord. That line right there smacks the reader across the face and makes them pay attention again. Not that they could have ever stopped. Sucking out life to be left lifeless.....jeez. The talent in this piece is amazing.

    The End

    Nuff, said. The end. This wasn't even a cliché way of ending it. It worked. It fit. It flowed.

    Masterful job.

    BCute<3

    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      There's definitely a lot of emotion in this piece.

    "Recollections of lost love
    Lost at the cost of my heart"

    Those are my favorite lines. They flow very well together, and there's really a dejected feeling of loss in them, as well as in the poem itself. To some extent, I do agree with Moonshadow - the first half of the poem, the part mainly with capital first letters, seems almost like a collection of song titles adapted into a poem, which was kinda cool, though some of it sounds out of place.

    But anyway, your poem defines itself well. I can definitely tell what you're trying to say, and it's really not cliché at all. Will you be adding more?

    - Aubrie Chihuahuii
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Chihuahuii | [ Reply to This ]
      So far I like what you're doing with this and the little that you added to it made a big difference. Meh...writer's block is a true pain, isn't it? Well, I wish oyu luck and I hope you think of some more to add and get past the block, lol, peace.

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-07-19 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      well i think your poem, line by line is AWSOME! but whne you put then together they kinda dont fit right rythum and flow wise. your language is wonderful and your litterary devices are spectacular, they are just kinda jurky when you put them together, you might just wnat to reread it and really forcus on the flow. but really it is an awsome poem! good job! i agree with Bcutei dont know why people havent commented on this, its a great poem!
    ~Shadow
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you should add more to this as soon as you get the chance, lol. It's very good. I'll leave a longer comment when you add more, right now, there's just not enough material to grasp a meaning. message me when you add more, peace.

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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