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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heartbreak and hopesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: butterfly wings
    ASL Info:    20/F/ Miami
    Elite Ratio:    4.09 - 264/309/53
    Words: 315
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 713
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1783



    Description:
       a broken heart doesn't always speak clearly, but a scrambled mind still thinks straight. love shouldn't always get a second chance, something can't be forgiven. here is my lifes take on what happen to me. this is part one(1) by the way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Heartbreak and hopesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    On my knees
    God please
    Give me today to hope that the world would just give up.
    My hopes and dreams
    Give wake
    In the events that just took place.

    A love lost
    A dream broke
    And believe me there's still hope
    That this will may surpass
    The worst mistakes in my past.
    Maybe love thats fresh
    Can't withstand your selfishness.

    See it through my eyes
    Listening to all your lies
    My heart broke with one kiss
    Where was I While you did this?

    And again you still asked
    If I stay 'till the end of days.

    In my heart I hope that my lungs would just give up.
    So these pains would go away
    But no again I just stayed.

    But then he came
    Said a talk would heal the pains
    I gave up all hope that you would help
    That maybe love would help itself.

    Not a chance was left
    I left you
    I just gave up.

    Then you came in tears and pain
    Telling me I didn't stay in vain
    But the rage that was held up was more than enough
    To put an end to my love.

    You stayed away for far to long
    I forgot to breathe in a way
    It was my turn to turn away.
    burning deep enraged in hate
    You had simply learned to care for me
    what was I to do but rate just how much
    I had once cared for you.

    To this day I don't understand what it was
    Or whats left of this love
    I took you back
    For one last chance.

    I don't know why I still look back
    Maybe in time I'll forgive
    what you did.




    Submitted on 2006-07-20 07:08:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      this is deep and I really like it... i do agree with EmpathicAya, you did seem to lose yourself a bit... but I also lost myself in it a little... so, it's good though...
    lizzie
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by angeldust | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Butterfly;

    I'm really very very very very sorry for commenting so late on this one!! But like I told you before that I don't come here so often like before so whenever you leave to me a message I might see it late & to avoid that you can send to me a mail -if you want of course- on thenightspark@hotmail.com so that I'll be able to naswer faster next time.

    Anyway; What's interesting about this one is that you said it's real!! It's true and that what makes this one different because it's full of feelings, different kinds of feelings, like Sadness, Fear and may be even regret as well!!

    I won't comment on this according to the usual standards, I won't take about the title nor the images and not about any spelling mistakes because what I care about is YOU!! I just want to know how are you?! And how do you feel?!

    I wrote a thought lately called "I'm Letting You Go", where I say;

    "And now after all what you have said & done, after all the pain you have caused I forgive you, BUT I'm letting you go!!"

    I hope you got what I wanted to say!!

    Take care,,,

    Yousef Hani
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm...well I don't know what to say, at the beginning of the poem, you had some really nice words, and I was moved, but towards the end, it just like stopped. Or maybe I'm just totally disappointed that you took him back(not that I never made that same mistake myself, only it was the 9th chance, not the second...) The poem was really sad, but I say again, I had the pictures in my mind towards the beginning, but towards the end, it was black.
    "To this day I don't understand what it was
    Or whats left of this love
    I took you back
    For one last chance.

    I don't know why I still look back
    Maybe in time I'll forgive
    what you did. "
    Hm...I don't know, like it like it, but maybe it was too long, and you lost yourself a bit, I can't understand what I'm trying to say. It was like, I was reading it all interested, and I got to the end, and it was like. "Oh." This is really sad though, and quite good, but maybe it's too long. Oh bother, don't listen to me. Good job.
    Walk in Love and Light,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2006-07-20 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      i appreciate the fact that it was longer than your usual work. it was all over the place, which i enjoyed because it shows how lost the mind becomes in times of stress.
    | Posted on 2006-07-23 00:00:00 | by wolfwoodphreak | [ Reply to This ]


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