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when i was
and he grabbed
a knife out of
and i tried to
make it so
he didnt cut
himself but instead
i pulled the
knife the wrong
his thumb off
| huh thats crazy then he would of been thunbless ha ha joke but good write, ty||| Posted on 2006-12-25 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ] || i reali like dis one!! :)||| Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by lil_shell | [ Reply to This ] || Allright, the 1st time I read this I was like: weird. Then I read it overand realized that it was beautiful in it's own way. Its unique and must be one of a kind. Well thought of. Looking forward to read some more of your work.||| Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by riki_nl | [ Reply to This ] || From everything of yours that I have read so far, I found this one the best. |
[W]hen [I] was [four and my brother was two,]
he grabbed a knife out of the sink.
[For his safety, I attempted
To pull it from his hand,
doing in the wrong way]
and almost cut[ting] his little thumb off
Above, I have a few suggestions which I think may improve this slighly. Though the best suggestion I could give you would be to let your mind roam free and write whatever you have in your head. Do not limit yourself. Express yourself better, and use a different format for such stories.
Sometimes, older people think that they are more careful than younger people but it often plays in the opposite direction. I am glad you took on such a topic.
It is a good thing that his finger missed the knife. That would have been scary.
|| Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ] || neic yet strange. actually reminded me of something similar dat happened in my past but not at that young of an age but good job but i think you should make more expressions then just a statement but its good nice work||| Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by bryan88 | [ Reply to This ] || My first thought upon reading this: Wow. How random.|
But I suppose that's a good thing in a sense. It make this unique.
For some reason it reminded me of when I was 5 and my little sister was 3, and she practically bit off her tongue. Slightly unrelated, but hey.
|| Posted on 2006-07-23 00:00:00 | by bad trip | [ Reply to This ] || I thought that would be a horrifying experience. I'm glad that his finger didn't get cut off though. I think that maybe, as in Sadie, you should make it so that there are no spaces in between the lines. Other than that, good job adn i hope that you continue to write interesting poems. Oh, and one other thing, maybe instead of classifying it as a story, classify it as a poem. Other than that, good job..again. |
|| Posted on 2006-07-21 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ] |