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    dots Submission Name: lonelydots

    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 735
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 665


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    under all transparent bodies of water
    theres a place beyond the sea I go

    and when the world has caught my nerves I cant take anymore
    And Im by myself where no one knows

    And Im free, yea
    But Im lonely, lonely
    I'm me, yea
    But no one knows me, knows me

    But Id rather be here than there
    when here, there is no reason to fear
    Im just lonely

    I cleanse my mind I cleanse my soul
    Came in piecces, when I leave Im whole

    And I emerge,
    Emerge back into the world I once
    knew, back to you....

    (to be continued..)

    Submitted on 2006-07-20 20:47:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is more lyrical than a mere poem with the repatition in the begining. Not to say that that's good or bad it's just i'm surprised you didn't catigorize it as lyrics. I can here like a med-tempo folk guitar with jazz rhythm going with it. Do you write music cuz i'd bet you did.

    I like how you describe your sanctum sanctorum as a place beyond the sea. truely where no on and reach you or bother you. I like the idea behind you being lonley when there but it's okay cuz lonley aint always so bad even when you appear to be escaping for the purpose of doing some "me" work(I cleanse my mind I cleanse my soul/Came in piecces, when I leave Im whole).

    THen it's returning back to the world and this "you" perosn where you leave us waiting for more. Look forward to the end


    PS This kinda reminds me of an old piece of mine called "Unsheltered". Check it out if you'd like you might see the simularities.

    | Posted on 2006-07-21 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]

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