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    dots Submission Name: Tread Upon My Souldots

    Author: Syndl
    ASL Info:    28/F/NC
    Elite Ratio:    5.02 - 56/55/19
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1127
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 870

       THis is a very early piece and I've never been very happy with it. I feel like its a little empty but any revision I try just makes it worse.

    Any ideas are more than welcomed.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTread Upon My Souldots

    Come...just a little closer....
    There, take a peek
    A peek into my heart...
    Not many are so privileged...
    Not many are so trusted...
    But you, you have stolen my heart.
    And have gained this right.
    A right of passage,
    or is it a Rite of passage?
    Can you survive my heart?
    Can I survive yours?
    Do not take this journey lightly.
    For it is my soul that you tread upon.
    My soul that you will leave
    Your footprints upon.
    Take care to go slowly
    And see all that you can see.
    Remember the shadows
    For they are the ones
    That hide the greatest treasures.
    Please be careful not to
    Run blindly through,
    Not to charge down the path recklessly.
    For it is my soul you tread upon,
    And my heart you hold in your hands.

    Submitted on 2004-05-17 11:36:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I can see why you're not happy with it, but I can't suggest anything either. Overall, I liked this poem and the message that it gave. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2004-05-17 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      You have some good lines in here.
    how about instead of saying stolen, you could say laid claim to. The last five lines get a little murky, but I have not ideas right now. I will come back and see if I can suggest anything.
    | Posted on 2004-05-17 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]

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