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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 3rd Street After Hoursdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: FarawayFeelings
    ASL Info:    16/F/Mia
    Elite Ratio:    0.93 - 159/74/72
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 996
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 814



    Description:
       Unfinished, but how is it?..Okay I think its finished...what do you think?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots3rd Street After Hoursdots
    -------------------------------------------


    For once, I let the surroundings saturate me,
    I let every thing in my prescence inspire me.

    And all that came and flowed from everything,
    was you in different ways, light and sound,
    and a third form of you I couldn't identify.

    You flowed in a stream from the city lights,
    you, You came down like the city rain.

    You were there stretched and vulnerable, the road marked with lines.

    You were there, I caught your shadow, as it dashed behind a building, but when I went to stop you, you were gone.

    The dripping city, that was almost a crying city, stood their looming in a night rain and showing you to me, spelling out secrets in billboards and stop signs.

    The future is relative, and so am I.




    Submitted on 2006-07-21 09:47:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by inlove2009 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the last line. I really really love the last line. So much! I'd marry it, but I'd imagine it's hard to find a minister who marries people and lines of poetry... hard but not impossible I'm sure lol

    I like the city rain theme too. Quite a bit. But I think that you should break up or space differently the 4th and 5th stanzas. There are some places in there that get a bit confusing to read, also. But I do like this one. Nice choice for a featured work.

    Justin :D
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by IamYourTragedy | [ Reply to This ]
      It is good so far and worthy of being finished, but be sure you come up with the right title. Sometimes I don't even begin a poem unless I have a good solid title, but everyone does it differently, so finish this and I'll certainly read it.
    | Posted on 2006-07-21 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this. The title to the last line.
    The future is relative, and so am I.
    That last line left an impression in my mind. It's awesome. Good job and Keep Writing.
    ~Caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-08-23 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]


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    111453

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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