This Man I'm Damned To Be
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Description:
Ok, to start, I've labeled it poetry, although it's an abomination to the category, and something that I actually started singing on my way home from work, but I don't think it's lyrics, since those need music. Anyhow, if you have nothing to say other than that it isn't poetry, or that the rythm, rhyme scheme, flow etc is off, don't say anything, because I know that there isn't any flow or rythm, and the rhyme scheme is if it rhymes, great for it, if not, great for it too.. Otherwise, feel free to say what you will, I don't take offense easily.
P.S. sorry if this description seems a bit...beligerant, but if you can't tell, this whole thing has me in a dark mood.
P.S. sorry if this description seems a bit...beligerant, but if you can't tell, this whole thing has me in a dark mood.
This Man I'm Damned To Be
I look at my father, And see so much of me And I just can’t stand This man. The one I’ve been damned To become. Looking at my sister, And then to my brother, Cast of the same mold, They’re bound to you, mother. Then my gaze must fall onto My youngest sister, She whose casting Is so close to my own. And ashamed I admit, We’re the seeds of our father. You try to convince me, That I possess his virtues, But I’ve never seen one, In myself, or in him. You ask me to forgive And to forget. But you must have known I just can’t manage either, This time however, it’s not, A simple matter of pride, Or stubborn bitterness we share. It goes deeper than that. To forgive him now, Would be to forgive myself Down the road, And if I must follow his trail, Damned by myself and the gods, Winding to the pits of hell, I’m going to hate us, I and this man I’m to be, Every step of the way. I must hate him, This man, I’ve been damned to be. |
Submitted on 2006-07-23 05:39:52 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Alrighty, lets get down to business then? I'm gonna use brackets for changes. and { for anything taken out} And I'm just putting down stanzas I think need a change or pck me up. I look at my father, And see so much of me And I just can’t stand This man. The one I’ve been damned {To become.} [to be] You try to convince me, That I possess his virtues, But I’ve never seen one, In myself, or in him. [I dont know you, nor do I know the feleing you're putting out n this piece but I just think this stanza needs another line. Perhaps a bittersweet saying. I dont know, something to tie it off. It almost seems unfinished.] You ask me to forgive And [for me] to forget. But you must have known I just can’t manage either[.] This time however, it’s not, A simple matter of pride, Or stubborn bitterness we share[;] It goes deeper than that. I really like this piece. Not so much the topic, but I understand it. I'm glad this piece is its own, it doesnt come off as being cliché, but moreso differnt. Not so much teen angst, kinda bittwersweet. I like it. COuple suggestions up there. This is a poem, in my opinion. You could craft it into lyrics, but like you said not all poems have to rhyme. I like mix matched rhyming, actually. It gives character. --Kayla | Posted on 2006-08-08 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ] | I look at my father, | And see so much of me And I just can’t stand This man. The one I’ve been damned To become. Looking at my sister, And then to my brother, Cast of the same mold, They’re bound to you, mother. Then my gaze must fall onto My youngest sister, She whose casting Is so close to my own. And ashamed I admit, We’re the seeds of our father. You try to convince me, That I possess his virtues, But I’ve never seen one, In myself, or in him. You ask me to forgive And to forget. But you must have known I just can’t manage either, This time however, it’s not, A simple matter of pride, Or stubborn bitterness we share. It goes deeper than that. To forgive him now, Would be to forgive myself Down the road, And if I must follow his trail, Damned by myself and the gods, Winding to the pits of hell, I’m going to hate us, I and this man I’m to be, Every step of the way. I must hate him, This man, I’ve been damned to be. To become the cursed object you must bear the curse yourself, eh? Strangely enough, this reeks of hatred but not abuse, fatalism without specifics, resignation without clear reason. You're 'damned' to become someone you have little (if any) respect for, yet you leave no clear reasoning as to why he must be hated and you must loathe yourself. If he was an absentee father and you were the product of divorce or the recipient of neglect, that would explain the resentment you feel for this individual, but it wouldn't justify becoming bitter to spite the indifferent. This does present an interesting illustration about the price a man's progeny pays for internalizing their hurt; it appears to be corrosion by default. Nicely done, by the way. Take care. Bill. | Posted on 2006-07-23 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ] | True you have some of father's characteristics, but you do not have to be him. I have some of father's characteristics. It is something that cannot be helped. We must rise above him. Rise above what we have lived. To overcome hell we must be like Icarus and make or own wings...forge our own path away from the glow of the fire that we have been raised in. Refuse to be indifferent and accept a fate that you condemn yourself to. You are going to grow to be a good man. I see it in you. You won't be him, you will be you. May peace and the gods shelter you and you find acceptance in yourself so that you can grow, and you don't have to be the man you so dispise. | Briannan | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by Briannan | [ Reply to This ] | |
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