Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

To a friend who sees too much in me


Author: Rastine Aristat
ASL Info:    19/Male/California
Elite Ratio:    8 - 125 /62 /31
Words: 225
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1050
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1445



Description:


Ok, I don't have an actual title for this one, so I just gave it a dedication instead. I've seen myself in a new light recetly, and I just can't stand the way I've been using my friends to try to find a new person to be. I've come to resent myself, why can't they join me? anyhow, that's enough bitching from me for one...morning. As always, say what you want, and if it comes to the choice, be honest, rather than kind.


To a friend who sees too much in me



I don’t want you to love me,
Or even to know me,
I just want you to tell me,
Who I should be.

I would tell you,
Just who I am but,
I must confess
You know better than I.

I’ve been a turtle too long,
And I fear that all this hiding
Has become a permanent reflex,
Though I’m not hiding from you anymore.
But rather hiding in your skirts,
So that I don’t have to see,
Just who I am.

You should never love me,
And can never know me,
And all I want is,
For you to forgive me,
Because I never will.

You must understand,
That a body can live,
When the soul has departed,
And that’s the state I’ve reached.
The man you see is merely a façade.

My heart’s gone numb,
From pumping my veins full of ice,
I can't even feel my rage anymore.
And I can’t say how I feel about you,
Only that I trust your judgment,
So please condemn me now,
I don’t deserve your mercy,
Damn me for betraying myself.

Please don’t love me,
Don’t even befriend me,
Don’t pry to deeply,
I don’t want you to know me,
Please just condemn me.

I ask you as your friend

Condemn me
And live on,
Without me.




Submitted on 2006-07-23 06:20:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Third to last stanza...I loved it. It had a nice flow to it. Overall though I really enjoyed this piece. Some may find it hard to read because it doesnt necessarily have a flow, but I enjoy it in this piece. You are making a statement instead of hiding behind one. Your face and disgrace is plastered all over this. I think thats very noble of you.

Bet you didnt want me to say that, did you? You really just want to be punished for the wrong you've done. I understand that feeling more then anything else. When for the first time you really just dont want the pity everyone seems to want to give. This is a tough situation, and instead of becoming involved all I will say is good luck.

As for this friends ordeal. DO you think that you're friends stand beside you to be GOOD friends, or because they havent caught on? Whats your opinion on this. As the poem suggests it would seem the latter, but still.

Anyway, I'm done now. I liked this peice a lot. Very thoguht provoking.

Kudos:O)

--Kayla
| Posted on 2006-07-23 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
  Everyone hides. A facade we all wear, our genteel masks that make us appropriate so that we do not have to show our trueselves. A defense against the possibility of disaster. Your friends love you, because of what you show them. You show them the heart you have. But it is so hard when you feel as if you are lying away what you have because if they know what you really are they wouldn't be here. But if you regress and start to isolate yourself again, then you are alone and you have suffered a great loss. Your friends seem nice and if you quiet hiding you would quit feeling like a liar. And you cannot accept what you do not know.
The piece itself is choppy in a pleading way. I find that to be very powerful. It is as if you are begging this person to tell you that you are bad so that you do not have to see the good in yourself. Because it is there and you cannot accept it.
Brianna
| Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by Briannan | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



111712