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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blue Ouchitadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _Masscefect
    ASL Info:    16/f/missouri
    Elite Ratio:    0.8 - 0/2/7
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 70
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 993



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlue Ouchitadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Raining outside
    On a hot summer day
    Looking to far
    TO find a way
    Would i get there faster if I closed my eyes?
    To actually make it would be a suprise
    Breaking through my walls
    To find, afterall
    These halls wont let me go
    I can't find the door
    Nowhere to go in my life
    Mountain tops
    I'm seeing dots
    Have I fallen off?
    Reach the ground to see around
    It's black...must be night
    Seing white
    I fade...into my life
    To find my cave
    And dance in my rave
    And I look up from my grave
    Thinking why
    I have reached my own heaven
    My Blue Ouachita
    I have never forgotten
    Looking down now
    From my BLue Ouachita
    I see everything that I can't fix
    SO bright...
    Looking down
    Upon all my life
    From my cloud
    My heaven
    Blue Ouachita
    That place in my mind...




    Submitted on 2006-07-24 01:44:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love the mixed message about the narrator's inner landscape. At first the writer alludes to being trapped by inner barriers, then ends with a comment about heaven within the mind. The irony is subtle, and the last line (delivered very artfully) comes as a surprise, giving the overall poem an unexpected twist. I feel that the poem would have more punch if it was trimmed a little. Writing about personal angst is tricky, and in most cases, "less is more.' I'm impressed by this poet's skill with metaphor--I think it would be interesting if the poet eventually aimed for a longer line length.
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by MoonRuled | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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