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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Razorblade Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Faith_Disease
    ASL Info:    17/M
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 278/141/29
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 965
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1156



    Description:
       This will probably be disturbing to some of you so yah, i know that so dont tell me how i'm scaring the shit outta you. This is written for someone and I think she'll know who she is ;) And take this literally, it isn't vampire or emo just read it and comment, might suck though cause I really couldn't get a decent ending.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRazorblade Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Here beneath tranquil moonlight,
    walking hand in hand,
    tension, love flow within these veins.
    Midnight creeps upon the skies
    as we settle underneath the tentacles
    of a decaying tree.
    Hearts that beat with hunger
    of razorblade love.

    Lying down against the trunk,
    staring deep into your eyes
    where pools of raven black,
    dance, full of thirst, stare back.
    My fingers trace your spine
    as the feel each quiver of love
    while I hear the fading moans
    of a forbidden love.

    I pull away the strands of hair
    as my blade caresses your fragile neck.
    I feel each faint gasp
    that yearns for more.
    The steel edge digs deeper
    into your pallid skin.
    Feel the sting of my love
    as crimson red drips down
    from the tender, loving cut.

    Hold you tight against my chest.
    Pull you closer to my heart
    that craves yet more.
    Brush my lips against silken flesh
    and begin to drink.
    Drink the love you shed for me,
    Lick up the trust you had in me.




    Submitted on 2006-07-24 02:19:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very creative piece. My main difficulty with it was the rhyme scheme. Since it was mostly free verse and didn't rely on the rhymes to push it forward most of the time it works out fine with just the images to lead it around. But you did use "love" alot, that's fine and good for the most part. But their were times when it seemed like overkill. "quiver of love"-"Forbidden love" "drink the love" "loving cut" and so on. Perhaps that was the point. But I personally think describing love (no matter how morbid) should be more involved than using just the word itself.

    Cheers,

    Father
    | Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by Father | [ Reply to This ]
       yay i get it! *hugs* but I didn't have the response you were looking for.....I'm not scared that's f.ucking hawt. wow, I wish I could be that good with imagry, like some of the words you used just added to the scene you made, and we'd all be disappointed if it wasn't creepy right? I hate when ppl think it has to be a vamp/emo write to appriciate blood....what if some of us are just freaks that way;). I dunno what to say about this one <3 you already know my opinion about that, but here, for anyone else reading this comment that is SOOOOOOO f.ucking hawt, I fell in love wit the idea of someone else cutting me and then me cutting them. personally it actually kinda bothers me when someone who cuts is going out wit someone or likes someone and they say they'd do anything for them but they wouldn't even bleed for them, it's like isnt that what they claim to do anyway?!? idea-stealer:P lol (jp) anyway this was an awesome write and if I say my opinion I'm sure you won't hear anyone else say it about this write but I thought this was really sweet . ((and who knows maybe next time I'll just go right out and say when a write is for you....except I 'unno if that'd bother you.))
    keep the bloodlust alive .
    love you,
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yay! u wrote..um..a.. posted another poem! I liked it. I wasnt scared but hay u know me well enough to no i like this stuff. My arm really hurts so dont get pissed if i dont make this very long. the title was perferct, once again u put in licking. i dont see y thats hot..um..o..scratch that thought. i love the elements of a perfcet date thing at the begging turning into well how the poem goes. btw hows Romania?
    urs truly
    Heartless Coel
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      Um...It's not scary, I'll tell you that, and it had the sense of raw passion, which I loved. Honestly, this is a really good love poem. I really have to see, I loved the first stanza, and it really did have the sense of vampires, or vampires in love. I got the feeling that the two people in love were willing to do anything for another, and the ritual that they were doing, when they were cutting each other's flesh was a symbol of that neverending loyalty to one another. He had drunken her essense, and now she was a part of him forever. This would make a good story, actually. Anyhow, wonderful write.
    Walk in Love and Light,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn, I read your journal and I've always wanted to go to Romania, how come I couldn't come, lol.
    Anyway, this didn't freak me out or anything, I liked it alot. To me it's like the two people feel so much love for one another, that love itself isn't enough, so there has to be pain. I don't think this is vampiric or emo, just dark morbid love. I like, lol.
    Again, as usual you have a great way with description and how you word things. That has always been one of your major talents with your writing.
    Sorry, if it seems like I don't have much to say, I ewven have brain block with writing comments, and it sucks. Well peace.

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      uhuh..... so they're in love and the love leads to cutting of one anothers flesh......O.o
    anyways, the write itself was delirious in its loving darkness. I'll always love a dark love scene! its beautiful the way you described everything. It was very unexpected the way you worded things like
    "Midnight creeps upon the skies
    as we settle underneath the tentacles
    of a decaying tree."
    thst was so wonderful and it blindsighted me. it was original and you get many points from me for it. As for the write itself.....the theme while unexpected in a large way, i can actually understand how you CAN love someone that much. So, i very much get it, this so called razorblade love. yea, it did freak me out at first, but then i realized that you were right and that i had to take it at face value. that is after the initial shock.lol. it was a bloody good time.
    keep up the freakyness!
    J
    P.S
    sorry for the lenght of the comment, just hope its something worth reading.
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
      okay, no it didn't creep me out...but that could be cuz i understand it, at least if you really did mean it absolutely literally...if you didn't then i still understand it, but since you said it wasn't metaphorical i wont go into the possible metaphors that you could have meant by it...glad to know someone thinks similarly to me! favorites

    ~chaos~
    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]


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