Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Liesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Foreseer
    ASL Info:    20/F/In Love
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 156/86/23
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1103
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 949



    Description:
       Okay this is another long one, I'm afraid that's just how it came out. I'm not sure if it makes sense. I think I'll need to revise it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I don't want to live a lie,
    but I've made my life with him now.
    I'm sorry for all the pain you feel at this moment.
    I promise you it will go away.

    You will form your life
    somewhere else away from me.
    All that was us will be a memory.

    I've told myself that it's not right,
    not to follow my heart but
    it's the better of the choices.

    I"ll tell you the truth,
    You have my heart at your command.
    There's just thing time cannot mend.
    I saw you the other day,
    it almost made me break down and cry.

    We have our seperate ways to go,
    it really might not be right but
    it's okay to be mad and hurt.
    Seeing each other would only break
    the fragile pieces we have put together.
    You would not want to see
    your place being filled by another.




    Submitted on 2006-07-24 02:27:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I can relate. But this poem found to be a tad confuzing. But you are an amazing poet, keep up the good work

    -Creep
    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by Mr. Creep | [ Reply to This ]
      So we pretty much live the same life. I dont know if I would've really been into this had I not been able to COMPLETELY relate. MY story: Rebound guy, fell into a deep like with me, and I couldnt do that. It wasnt good for him or me.

    So, I FEEL yah sister.

    Coupla suggestions:

    "There's just [some] things time cannot mend."

    "Seeing each other would only break [break in italics]
    the fragile pieces we have put together [and]
    You would not want to see
    your place being filled by another."

    Also your first stanza is a bit confusing. On my first read I assumed we were talking about only one man, but then it turned into a tale of two men.

    Overall though good piece. Hope all goes well.

    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      its good but kind of confusing...almost kind of like its scattered around but still good


    Brittany
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by dark_secrets_ | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    111882

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry