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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: God's Great Designdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: delusional
    ASL Info:    42
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 75/98/18
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 901
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 941



    Description:
       Hug a tree- go on- you KNOW you want to..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGod's Great Designdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The forest in the summer
    teems with life:
    From the outside
    it seems impenetrable-
    a world all its own-
    yet, it lives for me...
    and welcomes me in:
    Awestruck I am,
    as I imagine
    giant trees with roots
    drawing hidden strength
    from the ground.
    It is here they will thrive-
    for much longer than me.
    As I lay down
    on a mossy-green carpet
    I close my eyes:
    My whole life long
    these trees will sustain me-
    make precious air for me.
    This earth will consume me-
    yet it comforts me:
    No life is ever lived
    or lost in vain-
    our bodies mere gifts
    for future generations:
    All will feed the trees...
    My eyes open to sunlight
    beaming through the leaves...
    at last I know in this-
    God's Great Design-
    I'm where I'm meant to be.




    Submitted on 2006-07-24 09:29:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed this.

    Brought to memory those times I have sat and just been the silent observer, content to listen, to turn off all thought and just listen.

    I think it's when you are finally OK with not being a part of something greater that you realize you are. It's only the "greater" that is subjective.
    | Posted on 2011-02-24 00:00:00 | by BlankSheet | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this.

    Brought to memory those times I have sat and just been the silent observer, content to listen, to turn off all thought and just listen.

    I think it's when you are finally OK with not being a part of something greater that you realize you are. It's only the "greater" that is subjective.
    | Posted on 2011-02-24 00:00:00 | by BlankSheet | [ Reply to This ]
      No life is ever lived
    or lost in vain-
    our bodies mere gifts
    for future generations:
    All will feed the trees...

    That reminds me of that old song "Feed the Tree" by Belly. A lot of people forget that our bodies are only on loan.

    I like the content overall, but I think you could revise this. All of your hyphens should be dashes. (In most word processors, you type two hyphens and press enter, and it will convert it to a dash; if your word processor does not do that, two hyphens typed together are considered equivalent). I think you might want to break up your sentences more because you have so many sentences that are conjuncted in this. I rarely conjuct more than three grammatical sentences, unless they are very simple and short, because it tends to get Faulkneresque if you conjunct too many. I also think you might want to vary how you conjunct them because you use an inordinate number of colons, and that might not always be the best choice with which to conjunct your sentences; you could often use a comma followed by a conjunction or a semicolon to better effect. I'm not saying not to use colons if they're appropriate, but I don't think you need to overuse any one punctuation mark. I also think you overuse ellipses. I rarely read a poem on this site that doesn't have at least one ellipsis, and about 95% of the time, they're unnecessary. I don't think you need them here because you're not omitting anything that I can see, and I can't see that reading it with a trailing off effect or extreme break in thought adds anything to this. I'd also say "lie down" instead of lay. I know most people say that, but I think writing should be held to a higher standard of correctness than speech.

    As always, I'm just offering suggestions, and feel free to ignore me.

    I hope life is treating you well,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice descriptions and analogies. Trees...there are so many of them. I wish I could critique this more, but I know these feelings too well and therefore I can just only agree.

    Thanks for sharing.


    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      This is simply beautiful
    I have a Great love for nature and surrond a lot of my writes with the Love she brings to me
    You captured such a serene feeling and showed us your readers how beautiful life is when you become one with nature
    I Loved This!!!
    I am adding this one to my Favorites
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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