Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

false epiphany

Author: silent_death12
Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 1739 /805 /135
Words: 355
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1384
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 2592


make whatever you want of this one, I'm still not even totally sure what I think of it. (also I wasn't sure what 'type' it should have been so if you have any suggestions plz tell me)

false epiphany

Oblique branches entangling every scar,
Like thorns wrapped around an open laceration;
feeding into a newly created regret,
as reproachful smiles greet the unwelcome,
embracing a mask of acknowledgment.
and as ink fades into this script,
branded there for the rest of time...
written in malignity and animosity,
In a land of fitful bliss (if you can call it bliss.)

Can you sort out the mock realists?
and overlook every coward?
determine the real from a sea of republication.
incognizant to their unfeigned origins.
like wishing on a falling star,
condemned back to your own prison,
why can't we pawn off someone else's trust?
just to escape this silent hell,
annihilate this product of war and hate.
expose the false prophet for what he once was;
shattering this delusive faith,
as the bleeding stops and the scars fade,
but "as long as it's bleeding, I'll be okay."
as languid expressions hide the tears,
and blissful ignorance is again a blessing,
since we're all forced to play this game.

and slowly we all fade,
'cause they'll always follow,
I was screaming and dreaming...
as I felt this fade away.
screaming and dreaming...
'cause there was nothing left to say.

hands stained red with innocent blood,
fragments of skulls scattered like pixie dust.
ripping out another's heart,
just to have this fake smile,
for one more endless day.
today's only tomorrow's past,
today we're living out tomorrow's regret.
as both prisoner and preacher,
have their own diatribe to share.
our shadow's can't shelter us,
there's no where left to hide.
as tattered wings barely suffice,
to give angels flight in hell.
as misogynists marry their hatred,
and optimists fall in love with their delusions,
we all hold our own form of distrust.
but we're all following such an error;
our shamed epiphany; whom we blindly follow,
but I can't save you either,
when I'm forced to follow along.

and slowly we all fade,
'cause they'll always follow,
I was screaming and dreaming...
as I felt this fade away,
screaming and dreaming....
cause there was nothing left to say.

Submitted on 2006-07-24 13:44:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I'm glad you enjoyed "The Black Widow", and thanx so much for your insight, you have a very intulectual point of veiw. You will be a great poet some day. If you liked Black Widow, then I'm sure you'll enjoy "The Edge". You should check it out, I'm really curious for your insight on that write. You make beautiful poetry SD, as long as you keep writin, I'll keep readin.
| Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by spacedoutboy | [ Reply to This ]
  Excellent structure. As metaphoric and diverse as the expressions are, it all flows very natural and lucrid. You have a true talent, excellent write.
| Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by spacedoutboy | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW! I think i'm in love. this, this; ust, but, umm; ahh;yeah. Just how? That is beyond deep, and your vocab is amazing. I actually had to pay attention and couldn't breeze through(and it's not like my vocab sux) you deffinately know how to utilize yours though; that's for damn [censored]in shure! I couldn't even tell you the last time i did a "deep" write, and yet you spew them out readily one after another making me feel more and more inept. I think you're gonna have to start tutoring me on this stuff; i'm sure we can work something out; right>?
| Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
  wow...for an introduction to your poetry...excuse my language if its not as flowing and eloquent in phrase as yours might will, but for your age, you can sure write your ass off.

the last time i saw a poet who could write like this was ari luekos here on ES. and i met him almost a yr ago.

but wow, and you spoke to me earlier of poetry where not even you know the meaning of the piece, well this poem has very much meaning.

i love the flow of this poem first of all. there were no words that seemed out of place; as some who write here and instead of using one word that would've been beautifully placed, they look up a synonym in the thesaurus and use that in an attempt to sound intelligent and competent, when all that they are doing is being false in their direction and the spirit of Voice (poetry).

the next thing that i noticed is the length, i did personally believe this piece was a bit long, but taking any portion of this poem out would leave a senseless void. the stream of consciousness approach was a wonderful employment here, even if unintentional .

the next thing that i noticed was your mastery of the english language. and again i say i stand here in awe, stunned, wow-ed by your talent, and i hope that you continue on writing. if you are at this stage now, then i can only imagine what you're gonna be like 5 years down the road.

merry meet and blessed be, friend
Suicidal Mute
| Posted on 2006-07-31 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]
  Holy Moly :)...this is a very deep piece, I can barely relate, but I will do my best. because I once wrote a poem very close to the style in which you are writing I can adivise you to KEEP this poem around! because I had no Idea what the hell I meant when I put pen to paper, but now It makes WAY too much sense. but from what I can gather here It seems that you are In a state of struggle and observance of your own life or perhaps all life in general, you try to explain what certain things mean yet you fall short of the true meaning of the events that have lead you to the point that you are at now... :)
<3 TheGentlemanWhore
| Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem has some advanced vocabulary, a couple of words I didn't even know and I read the dictionary by night! grr!
I liked the repetition of the "slowly we all fade..." part. Especially when you made that your ending. Nice job.

| Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  Damn! This is really good! It has a lot of maturity in it, like you actually know what your talking about, ur not just complaining about life like a spoiled little brat. Thats what I liked about this write. It felt so mature, plus I like all the big words you use. They add a lot to the write. I love the intro to it

"Oblique branches entangling every scar,
Like thorns wrapped around an open laceration"

Its so morbid and grotesquea and brilliant and vivid and bloody and.. ok I'll stop. But I really enjoyed these two lines. Very good intro. I also loved this line here

"today we're living out tomorrow's regret"

This line right here is very powerful and I can so relate to it. Like how when you think ur living right but then the next day something happens and makes you regret the day before. I've had that happen a lot. This is brilliant I love that line. I'm adding this to my favs. I loved it. For your age you can write very professionally and make your voice sound so much more mature. I liked it.
| Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
  wooot. sweet poem :| lots of big words I needed to use my head to read that. was challenging xD

I like it. it's original. I think. And it's very well written. In my opinion. It may need to flow a little smoother, but maybe that's just me. ^__^ on the second verse? "Can you sort out the mock realists? and overlook every coward?..." etc, I started singing out a tune in my head along with reading it, so I guess that was my favourite part.

Keep writing!

-- Jason Clement
| Posted on 2006-08-03 00:00:00 | by Jason_Clement | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?