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The pool


Author: Amberger
ASL Info:    13/f/earth
Elite Ratio:    1.9 - 49 /85 /24
Words: 42
Class/Type: Story /Misc
Total Views: 1256
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 261



Description:




The pool



last weekend
I went to
The pool
And right before
I was about
To jump in
I slipped and
Fell i scrapped
The back of my leg
And it still hurts
I also bruised
My side
But im fine




Submitted on 2006-07-24 18:18:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  man ur just very proned to accedents aren't you lol

much LOVE
James
| Posted on 2006-10-01 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
  If my interpretation is right, I thougth you were trying to give a message that never rush into doing things or the consequences can be bad. It seemed to be lacking emotion, but I think that with some more clarity and expression, you could seriously improve on this. I think you have the potential to become a great writer.


Abbas
| Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is kind of expanding on what 777sacrites777 said so that maybe it's a bit clearer. I think that maybe you should try to write a poem with more meaning that people can relate to other than a poem about you and only you. Instead of writing about an experience, try writing about an emotion. I think that would maybe help you write better poems. Good Luck and Keep Writing,
~Caotic~
| Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
  i'm sorry but i did not by any means enjoy that poem one bit. just thought you'd like to know that.

maybe if you wrote more, or spaced it right or something. is it all one big analogy or what cause it left me saying what the hell.
| Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
  mmmmm... not much to say on this one except its ok kinda blahh though lol needs more detail.

-Nick-
| Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by newbee | [ Reply to This ]


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