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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Amethyst Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 209
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1344
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1574



    Description:
        Skye...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAmethyst Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rose water tears,
    race down her face
    Black water fever
    A life to deface
    Serein blood, seeps from the sky
    Sequestered children,
    begging for love...
    forever they cry

    Razor-made nails,
    the better to cut
    She belongs to him...
    his fey-eyed slut
    Nightshade serum,
    bleeds from her eyes
    Rotted rose petals
    Innocence dies

    Beaten like a rag doll
    Left out in the rain fall
    Hauntingly recherche'
    Fading every day
    Renascence remebrance,
    slips through her veins
    A sanguinary vigil,
    to release all her pains

    Fall in love with the serpent's song
    Growing weak and falling strong
    Ruptured vessels of human life,
    fall victim to the starving knife
    Shallow pits of black immoratal
    Lead to cleaves in life's own portal
    Destruction reaps where flowers're sown
    Fearing not the death, but the unknown

    An isolated solitude forms a heart of ice
    The blood runs cold in the streams you slice
    Naught more, naught less,
    than a monotony of shame
    Naught more, naught less,
    than an obituary blame

    With every gasp for thin air,
    she comes to nothing without a care
    Shackles of ivy, bracelets of thorns
    Whispered hate, a young girl's scorns

    Hear eternal as the pheonix cries
    For all you've read is seen,
    through amethyst eyes




    Submitted on 2006-07-24 19:50:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The dark imagery in this poem is absolutely startling, not for the darkness, but for the depth and vividness . I'm usually not fond of "emo" poems, or poems of that nature, but this takes interesting turns that most other poems like this dont.

    "Fall in love with the serpent's song
    Growing weak and falling strong
    Ruptured vessels of human life,
    fall victim to the starving knife"

    that 4 line verse right there is absolutely perfect rhyme, it really struck me (though it abouts cutting).

    On the downside, there are places where even though the rhyme fits, it seems forced into place. Words that just dont mesh as well as they should.

    I get a serious sense of sadness from this, but its a sort of beautiful sadness. Makes me want to reach out and touch something or someone. Feel someones support, remind myself they are there.
    | Posted on 2008-06-24 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      I remember reading this before, but I didn't have time to comment.
    "Fall in love with the serpent's song
    Growing weak and falling strong
    Ruptured vessels of human life,
    fall victim to the starving knife"
    those are my favorite lines from this, but it's hard to pick from something that well-written.

    I may have to add you to my Stalk! list.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2006-12-08 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      You do loose me in a couple of places. and some of the rhymes don't really mactch but the few flaws are drowned in the story and beutiful words.
    I really like your language, it is very eliquent and melodious.
    I can't help but feeling sad when I read the poem since I've seen the things myself. which is probably why the final stanza appeals so much to me. and your work still reminds me of poe (and that is a good thing)
    //The little good wolf
    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn, I loved this one. Like always, your way with words and the images you create with them is just so damn amazing and vivid. I love your descriptions, f.uck, i envy you because of your damn good descriptions and images. The rhyming was pretty good and unforced for the most part

    "An isolated solitude forms a heart of ice
    The blood runs cold in the streams you slice"

    This is just.... I can't... I just.... I F.ucking love these lines! Brilliant, amazing, vivid, full of so much color and.... everything. This is the reason why I read poetry, for lines like these that blow you away and make you think. I love you word choice, words like streams, solitude, heart of ice. F.ucking amazing! This got me thinking cause i read bout serial killers and how most of them as kids and teens were loners and they grow up becoming serial killers slicing up streams of blood because their solitude formed in them a heart of ice. I dunno, but that just connected to me and I found that cool. These are the kind of lines I live for. You're f.ucking amazing, I'm jealous. Oh one thing though, try not to over indulge in using a gigantic vocab because sometimes, you might accidently crush someone under the weight of your words, if u get it. I personally don't like looking up every other word in the dictionary, but I'll make an exception for this one, cause it was so damn good and made those extra trips to the dictionary worth it. I'm so adding this to my favs. Oh and ur title rocks too, lol, forgot to mention that.
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the [dark] images in this poem, maybe only because i am in the mood. I go off and on with dark stuff...anyway, I love the swaying rythem of this poem. It reminds me of a song that a band like Evanescence would do, with breaks, pauses, and a blossoming semi-chorus. I haven't seen one like it!
    I found it odd that you kept up the rhyming so well for most of the poem, n=but you obviously faltered in the first stanza. That made me a little put out.
    Well, Im off to read more, providing Im still in the mood for dark stuff! I always reciprocate comments, so for every one you give I give one! Sounds fair to me.
    Catch ya later! O.o
    ~Aetha
    | Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by Aetha Daemon | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good i had to read it with my dictionary in hand but it was definately a good piece.

    Loved it,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      This was awesome, I really liked it, and I study the dictionary too so I understood all of it:P I wish I could just say EEEEEE!!! and have that be enough, maybe I will the sea urchins are with me on this one, great write
    luv ya sis,
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Rose water tears,
    Race down her face
    Black water fever
    A life to deface
    Serene Blood, seeps from the sky
    Sequestered children,
    Begging for love...
    Forever they cry


    Excellent description of tears , “a life to deface “ that’s a great line , blew me off .children begging for love …forever they cry , it shows the situation of the coming generation , since you used “Serene blood, seeps from the sky, Sequestered children… I thought about all the wars and hatred in this life.

    Your poem shows all different kind of emotion: the torture (Beaten like a rag doll Left out in the rain fall)losing yourself (fading every day ) making huge mistakes (Fall in love with the serpent's song ,Growing weak and falling strong),finding wrong solutions (fall victim to the starving knife), the touch of Goth (Shallow pits of black immortal Lead to cleaves in life's own portal , Destruction reaps where flower’s sown Fearing not the death, but the unknown/ Shackles of ivy, bracelets of thorns Whispered hate, a young girl's scorns)…
    Awesome poem just look out for the spelling mistakes and the rhythm was on and off in the poem, you should've stuck with it. But it’s a great write, keep up the great work.

    ~~drakoniss~~
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by drakoniss | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, there's nothing else i can say about this...EEEEE!!! *that, like DAGLA is a very good thing...my firend sue and i made up a language that consists of the words ee and ehee and variations of the two..and so therefore EEEEE!!! is a very good thing..*this is definately goin on the favorites list!!! keep it up dear!

    ~chaos~
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]


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