Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nobody's Perfectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Briannan
    ASL Info:    20/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.59 - 123/127/49
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1292
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 838



    Description:
       I had a conversation with a friend today, who fell for my insane ex(seriously insane not figuratively). And she said that to him she could never measure up to me and my thoughts ran to the fact that I changed to become what he wanted and he never really saw me. So to him I am a dream, a fantasy, and an unreachable goal. I am nothing substantial. I am an idea he can change on a whim.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNobody's Perfectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am nobody's perfection
    Glimmering in the light
    A lie
    An Idea
    Hidden in his mind
    A schizophrenic fantasy
    Never seeing what is true
    Ever changing as the sea

    I am nobody's perfection
    Changing in the starshine
    A frown
    A break
    Will never grace me
    I can not be what I wish
    Because then I wouldn't be his need
    Shape me to be what you want

    I am nobody's perfection
    The memory of a dream
    A wish
    A prayer
    His angel in disguise
    His demonic counter part
    Always calling to his own need
    Never to see me breaking apart

    I am nobody's perfection
    Glimmering in the light
    Changing in the starshine
    A memory of a dream




    Submitted on 2006-07-24 21:59:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      yes, this is rather elegant,

    the structure gives it a controlled feel that speaks only of turmoil and you could have easily driven it off the cliff because it's dangerous and slippery ground for so many having made the attempt.

    this is lovely in the way it separates itself.

    'starshine' is inexplicably beautiful--

    --HBA

    ...remind me to read more of your stuff.
    | Posted on 2009-04-14 00:00:00 | by HuyBenAmon | [ Reply to This ]
      i think that's the way people work. It doesn't matter how honest you try to be, there is always an exterior that people see; an exterior that is built up through years of practice (everyone practices on their exterior). Of course in the end, people are a lot more perceptive than they are given credit for. our interiors are seen to some degree, whether we know it or not. So even if you do believe you were a total lie to him, i imagine he knows you better than you think.

    i understand where you are coming from. it's easy to relate to. But since you've brought up the topic, i think it's almost fair to question the existence of this poem. Are you bearing false teeth, so to speak, as you say you have done in this poem? ok, so i know i'm straying away from the main theme, which is a bit of regret and self-loathing, but is the poem another exterior? Do you really feel you were a lie, or are you lying to yourself again?

    well, i don't really know what i'm hitting at. just opening those russian dolls, i guess. There's some subtlety to the idea that's worth exploring.
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by luckypenny | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know what to say Ö. I havenít been around much lately but I have to say that I donít remember having felt so deeply identified with a write Ö.

    What you say here had a great effect on me Ö. I happen to be on a relationship, you know Ö and Iíve been trying to change things that I'm not really sure that can be changed Ö.. many times have I mused upon breaking up though I havenít got the courage and Iíd be risking too much were I to do that. I feel overly guilty for asking things that I might never get Ö or for going berserk all the timeÖ. Itís weird coz I feel as if I were acting just as your counter part did Ö. And I simply donít want to Ö

    I was delighted by the first stanza I believe this is the most powerful part of the poem together with the lines

    ďI can not be what I wish
    Because then I wouldn't be his needĒ

    Those are golden lines.

    Well, I donít want to say more apart form the fact that this is going straight to my favís and Iíll reread every now and again hoping this has a further effect on me.


    Thanks for sharing this!
    Take Care,
    Ethan.
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    112004

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    FamiliarDemons ¬©‚ĄĘ written by kyserin
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry