This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Ritter von Dunkelheit Knight of Darkness

Author: chottooni
ASL Info:    19/m/ny
Elite Ratio:    4.49 - 5 /4 /4
Words: 325
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1583
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1477


first poem i wrote. ask me what it means if you wish to know.

Ritter von Dunkelheit Knight of Darkness

ich bin pflockfuss jay
oder seussholzraspler typ
komm du mit kein angst
komm auf mein shiff

ich bringe schmerz
kummer und grausamkeit
aber nicht vom herz
wohnt mein dunkelheit
der arger brechen aus mein kopf
ach alles ist still und ruhig
bleiben sie so ich hoff
leben ist ja billig

ich bin der reiter von ross
es war so prachtig weiss
bis ich aufgeschlossen das schloss
jetzt schwarz, ich weiss

du bist mein ein und alles
mein kleines maus
mein lieb von dir ist klares
das licht ist geradeaus


i am peg foot jay
or a sweet talker guy
come with no fear
come on my boat

i bring pain
sorrow and cruelty
but not of the heart
lives my darkness
anger breaks out of my head
oh everything is quiet and calm
stay that way i hope
yeah life is cheap

i am the rider of the horse
it was so splendidly white
until i unlocked the lock
(i know its out of order but its for the poems sake)
now its black, i know

you are my one and only
my little mouse
my love for you is clear
the light is straight ahead

Submitted on 2006-07-24 22:03:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  it's god i think it could have had a better flow.the meaning was strong though and thats what will keep people reading.thats what grabbed my attention the most.

| Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by bbcherry | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?