[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Herdots

    Author: sunset
    ASL Info:    21/F/Melb, Australia
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 76/46/32
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 1341
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 412


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Feel my mind wander
    Eyes fill with tears
    Gently blink them away
    Hold onto my heart
    While he lays with me
    I know she is in the distance
    A stranger to his skin
    But still a threat to me
    Because I cannot hold him
    Inside my arms forever
    He wants to fly
    And I am not his wings
    But I cannot leave
    Even as my smile fades…

    Submitted on 2006-07-24 23:08:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      hey, just realized how much I missed reading other peoples poetry after reading this. You have everything so carefully placed together, that each emotion, love...jealousy, worry, they're all placed so nicely together. I think it'd be nicer to have seen a different twist on the wings bit, just cause it is used so much (even though I loved 'I am not his wings') but even more. Short and sweet piece though...thanks.

    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good poem. As I was reading it I realized this recently happened to me. My boyfriend now once left me for his ex then came back to me. I had a gut feeling when we were together that he was going to do that even though he promised he wouldn't. If this a true poem from the heart, I hope things work out for you. I know it's not a good feeling thinking there's someone ready to invade your territory but all you can really do is stand back and watch. Overall this is a really good poem and I hope to read more from you soon! :)

    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by my_worst_fear85 | [ Reply to This ]
      As soon as I got done reading this..I just kinda went..yup I know where she's coming from. "Her" or that girl that feels like a threat...she's the one that scares us girls that are in love. It's hard to lay there with the man that you love and know there were others before you...or someone lingering in the distance..just like you said. Maybe we make something out of nothing...but getting "her" out of our heads...is not an easy thing. Great write...made me think about my "her." Really great job. ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]