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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The end?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lelian Marie
    ASL Info:    16, star, neverland
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 31/22/32
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 859
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 892



    Description:
       I was deep in thought... i don't know how to describe it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe end?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Does this world have any meaning?
    Is this that place thats so deceiving?

    I lay in that one corner of my room
    Where i pretend to have a friend
    I lay in that mist of dark dreary gloom
    For I wonder if this is truly the end.

    Is this that life of sorrow and death
    Of all who seem to know
    Is this truly the end
    The end of time and not
    some freaky horror show

    Will you just sit there and watch
    all those people die
    or
    Will you just sit there and laugh
    while people cry

    This life of sadness and rain
    This lifetime only has a lifetime of years
    For People these days in pain
    Have all there life n more to shed tears
    Of this life they want to regain













    Submitted on 2006-07-25 05:26:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hey, okay well first off let me say that I liked your overall concept..and I agree, sometimes life seems pointless and like way too much suffering for a stoic end anyway. (though I don't see death as exceedingly stoic, I guess a better word is 'generic' if you're feeling that down.) This was an okay write but it could have been improved, your rhymes seemed a bit forced and like you were basing too much on rhythem and not enough on content or how it read in other aspects. all in all this was good, but I'm sure if you wait a while and go back and revise that you'll find it's even better with a few improvisions
    keep writing,
    ~Jess
    | Posted on 2007-03-03 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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