Captivating Confession by .:eVe:.

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Submission Name: Captivating Confession dots

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Author:	.:eVe:.
ASL Info:	25/f/US
Elite Ratio:	4.52 - 57/57/22
Words:	51

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	100
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	375

Description:
I was in a blah mood..hence the title...I know the title sucks..but it suits me. :)

Captivating Confession dots

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I want to write something.
So grand it makes the sky fill with confetti.
Captivating confession squashing on the ground,
so abhorrent the radiance slithers out,
to find bottomless potholes.
Neverending light cascading through streams of myth,
sticking post-its on the way
just in case.

Submitted on 2006-07-25 09:45:32 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this is something i know i always feel. i want to fill the sky with confetti, but for some reason my post-its are only mental and in the end i always feel discouraged or too lazy, which makes this poem for me seem so idealistic and in a way naive (or maybe that's just how i've felt ever since the day i decided to study computer science, which is for me the very opposite of literature and poetry). here i am just blabbering on about myself instead of this poem, but i guess i'm just trying to tell you how personal this feels.
| Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by girl | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a beautiful way to describe writing with these high hopes and dreams, great schemes and pictures in our heads and the post-its full of ideas in our real life. we stick them to the medium in hopes they'll come together for our masterpiece.
great. effing great.
| Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]
  ha. Good job. So true though. I always have these amazing possibilities on my head before I write. Usually they end up not so good. But whatever. Good job.
| Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by gargleafg | [ Reply to This ]
  It's a nice image-- the sky filling with confetti, which symbolizes celebration and rejoicing... but in this case, the marriage of words to affect a reader on a sublime level.

In these lines:
So grand it makes the sky fill with confetti
Sun absorbing confetti squashing on the ground
So abhorrent the sun slithers out
-- you have "confetti" and "sun" written twice, which makes the second time for each word have less of an impact. Is there any way you could reword this and take out the second ones? Just a thought.

But as it is, you've written about what a lot of writers would like to happen...

Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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